✿ a cup of love

31st december already?

how time flies righhtt?

well i still cant face the fact that 2011 is about to end.

it feels like...i'm still in august.

the day where i turned 18..

it was my first time...celebrating birthday without family..it was a bit sad.

ok i lied..it was a MAJOR sadness.

dont ask me why or i'll burst into tears.

2011 has been so good to me..

it is one of the best years i've ever had..

but not to forget..several of sad things had happened which made me a better person

first..it was the end of school life where i got to spent sooooooo much time with family.

i've to admit it was a bit boring..but most of time it was relaxing.

and..my driving experience came next.

alhamdulillah...i've already got my P after 2times a failure.

havent heard of that? well now u have right?

and what would be my most unforgettable moment was when i finally broke the ice upon a handsome guy..

herghh..i was desperately wanted to hear his voice at that time, so dont put the blame on me.

he's so handsome i tell u!

quite nerd..with some chinese looks...untalkative..oh yeahh..he's my dream guy.

and what if he's intelligent...ok stop. i should've ask for his number!

then...somewhere in march...where the moment of truth took place,

spm's result...alhamdulillah..

everything seemed to be worth it by the moment i held my 10a's result slip.

sadly my parents werent there. but it's ok.

at least i had a biggg present for them.

and after that..my jpa's interview.

it was nerve-wrecking i've got to say.

i prayed..and prayed..and prayed but God has a better plan for me.

perhaps He knows me the best

yes...it was the saddest thing to know that i cant pursue my study overseas..

i've broke my parents' heart..

i cant be wut they expect me to..

but i believe that everything happens for a reason.

i cant always win right? sometimes..losing is good.

kind of a good therapy for my mind.

and hey..studying in malaysia isnt a bad thing. especially for some people like me who cant be parted from parents.

next..i had the time of my life at uitm penang..

well at least for week..hehe

minggu orientasi was a torture, mentally n physically.

but then again..it can be a sweet memories that money cant buy.

it built a better me.

but trust me..i wouldnt want to go back there again.

and now..here i am..

in puncak alam.

so many dramas going on..

few of uninvited love...

lots of exhaustion n stressss

and several times of crying? ermm..yerp.

but it's good right?

with lots of ups and downs..i dont think there's any reason for me to regret my life.

after all...making my parents happy is my main goal.

and this monday morning...i'll be going back to palam and have 3months there.

i should be enjoying it to the max (i know i keep saying this)

but really...i'll reduce my arrogance..i'll try to smile..

and get an A for bel?

hahaha..yeah i should. i shouldnt abandon other subjects too..

yeah righttt.

whatever it is..

happy 2012 peepssss!!

dont stop smiling even if you're bleeding inside or out.

and with this..

i wish a wonderful year of 2012 to all my bestfriends, girlfriends, housemates, classmates and all.

god bless you and me.

p/s...be happy even though people said 2012 is the end of the world.

oppsy doppssy...i wish that's not true..

Labels: new year

❤ "31st december already?" was Posted On: Friday, December 30, 2011 @11:29 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

coz i cant stop complaining

urghh...i've been struggling with kirchhoff's rules for the past 3days..

and i'm still confuse bout it.

huaaa..not that i didnt understand a thing..

after all the videos, notes, tutorials..bla bla bla..u name it..

i think i could just kill myself for spending so much time on it!

i've understood the concept..but still, why cant i answer the question??

whyyyy???

huuu...it's true, what the people said.

love what you learn..and learn what you love.

well..i dont love physics from the first place...and i never stop trying.

but..it didnt really worked.

it wasnt my cup of coffee to be frank.

then..how am i still survive? hrmm..ask god lahh.

tapiiii...the question is, when will i ever finish the lab report?

the kirchhoff's rules?

whennnn???

and big thanks to my bio's lecturer yang tolong upload tutorials yang manyakkk kacau sy punye holiday.

hurghh...

sabar mimi...

seek help with patient perseverance and prayer..for god is with those who restrain.

huuuuu...

❤ "coz i cant stop complaining" was Posted @11:11 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

not enough

i've tried to be a better person..and i'm still working on it

i've tried to keep my room neat n tidy..but it didnt last longer.

i've tried to score higher..coz i feel happy when i succeed

i've tried to learn how to stop making silly mistakes..but i find myself going nowhere.

i've tried to tell the truth..but will they listen to me?

i've tried not to fall inlove...but his smile kills me from within.

i've tried to ignore all the rubbish..coz i know they're worthless.

i've tried to please others..only when i'm happy with it.

i've tried to stay calm..and let others think i'm cool with it

i...i dont know!!

i just love being at home..

and when i'm overwhelm by the environment...i start to write rubbish but in a pleasant way (at least it issss for me)

i should stay longer in here..yeah, i would if i could

oh nevermind..

Labels: sem break, sorry

❤ "not enough" was Posted On: Thursday, December 29, 2011 @12:15 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

for u i will

for all the hardworks and sacrifices all this time, it's bcoz i know he'll be taking some time to get to me.

for all the silence and the act of ignorance inside me..it's bcoz i prefer him to start the conversation

for all the procrastination and rejection i've made, it's because i know he'll be there but just not yet...

for all the endurance which i pretend to be a saviour...it's because i need the public to see how tough i am from outside..because i'm not, from inside

for all the messy looks and less care about appearance u see in me...it's because i want him to appreciate me from the inside, not from my reflection in the mirror.

for all the faking laughs and smiles that seems unstoppable for me..it's because i'm saving the best for him.

for all the tutorials that're waiting for me...i think i should end up here..

for all the lab reports that have to be submitted soon..i wonder why on earth did i wrote this post..

but nevermind..this is my blog..i have the right of everything...

and for all the hesitation in my mind...i've made it up...i'm going to post this..

uwahehehehe

❤ "for u i will" was Posted On: Tuesday, December 27, 2011 @12:26 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

my love for u is sky high!

i lose my focus so easily

i dont really care when i failed to answer today's chemistry quiz

my tastebuds are numb now..

everything tastes the same for me..

i cant laugh..i cant smile..

call me arrogant..i dont care.

i need to get home..

i really do...

it is my energy booster..

it is a place where i feel the love..

it's my everything..

it's the place where i can be me again..

❤ "my love for u is sky high!" was Posted On: Wednesday, December 21, 2011 @7:34 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

no one would want to marry me

my friends laugh when i said i cant cook..

come on!! is it really funny?

i know i'm already 18...and that i should at least know how to cook nasi goreng...or something simple but believe me...i cant.

not that i'm didnt try..but i failed all the time

even sausages taste weird when i'm the cooker.

the eggs turned black instead of yellow n white.

huuu...but i'm pretty good at instant noodles...wanna try? heeee

my sisters blame me for being hyperactive during my sleeping time..

i kick..i snore..i laugh..

but it's normal right, no?

well for me it issssss.....

my housemates say my room is a complete mess..

they cant imagine themselves living in there..

huu..is it really? (is it really, sonny...??? tetibe igt sonny with a chance)

fine then..i'll try to tidy them up.. (once in a month)

they also think that it's weird if i hold a broom or...let say that if i clean the toilet (which i never had..oppps)

huuuu...am i that lazy?

i mean..i can be a hardworking girl (if i want to..heeee)

apart from that...my friends are also curious about who'll be my future husband..

huuuu..why?

coz they said that i'm a shopaholic...and i eat a lot...and i spend lots of money...and i need money...more n more of it..

huuuu....the real thing is, u dont have to be worried..

i can work...i can make my own money

chill la my friends...

i wont burden my husband..

heee i wont...right?

if only people would know the real me..i'm positively sure that no one would marry me..

but it's fine...

Labels: 2nd sem, love

❤ "no one would want to marry me" was Posted On: Tuesday, December 20, 2011 @12:16 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

do i end up happy?

for everything that i've been sacrificing all this time..

will it be worth it?

for all the time i've been spending...

will it take me to the place i'm wishing for?

for all the feelings that i've been enduring..

can i continue doing it?

i'm just being extra curious about wut my future might turned up to..

will it be as bright as it can be?

or the opposite way?

huuuu...

i'm feeling quite old now that i'm turning 18...and soon to be 19

then 20...

oh god..

i'm still a child no matter how hard i try..

i cant do works on my own..or else...it might turned into disaster.

i'm not kidding okeh?!

in today's experiment..i broke the glass rod.

ok..laugh now!

seriously..it was superbly embarrassing!!!

i should put my head under the lab coat..

erghh..

❤ "do i end up happy?" was Posted On: Monday, December 19, 2011 @8:48 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

let it rain

i should stop pretending that i dont care..coz i do care, well...a bit.

my friends told me to unlock this heart..

i should be more gentle and stop avoiding.

it's not good to endure things that u want to try..

but i'm afraid..

coz i've made a promise with someone i love the most, my mom.

i told her my main priority is for the studies..and that there'll be no love stories involved in

and everytime i want to give a try...i find myself running away from love.

i just want a perfect first love since i've been preparing myself for 18years and still counting.

and everytime someone's trying to be part of me..

there'll be something that makes me stop.

maybe i'm still not ready..

i should know how to unbreak his heart...

urghhh..ok stop!

i shouldnt think about love now..

more things are on the list waiting to be done

i should stop n wake up..

Labels: love

❤ "let it rain" was Posted On: Saturday, December 17, 2011 @2:21 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

cant afford to smile

hello thursday and soon to be friday!

i got no class for today as it was cancelled.

i mean..what could've been better than that right?

hrmm..i thought i would be over the moon to hear about this news..

but i dont know...i'm just not in the mood of celebrating anything.

it was gloomy ..the weather n me.

nothing can makes me happy at this moment.

i wish i could find the way out..but i'm lost.

i want to be happy...but i dont know how.

when my friends laugh..i can only afford to smile

when they make jokes...i'm struggling to give responds

i just feel like lying on the bed all day long..

and stop thinking of my responsibilities for a sec..

it's not that i hate my life..i love it, i do.

but sometimes...i just wish i could find a break.

i'm craving for a fresh air..especially home.

and lately i cant even give my best performance which i'm pretty upset with it.

last tuesday was my speaking practice during BEL

i wasnt well-prepared..n i spoke based on the script.

i know i hurt the lecturer so my group n i asked for forgiveness from him since he's a very..very nice person. i'm pretty positive that he didnt even know how to get mad at others.

god bless him.

and as for yesterday..i was called to give an explaination during the biology class.

i've to say that i'm a bit mad at myself.

i did prepared the night before..but when the day came, i was nothing but a loser.

i should do better than that!!!

urghh..

i need my strength back..

i want to be my own saviour like i used to..

i know i need to smile a lot..

it's the best cure..

but i just dont feel like smiling now.

the truth is..i'm desperately need my family now...

i'm nothing without them..

half of me is dead..the other is barely able to breathe..

but i need to hold on..it would take a week to see them again.

i dont care if my friends would say i'm such a baby..

coz they're not me!

i'm not tough enough..

Labels: 2nd sem, sadness, under the weather..

❤ "cant afford to smile" was Posted On: Thursday, December 15, 2011 @3:37 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

u deserve the best!

i've no words to say right now except for..

congratulation to me!

who told u to enjoy the world for 2days in a row..

ok fine..blame it on the year end sale..

who told you to sleep early last night n the night before?

even if your legs hurt ..that doesnt mean you hurt your hands too!

studying doesnt requires any legs..u lazy girl!

urghhh!!!

who told you not to finish all the task n procrastinate them?

u thought that u'll be having enough time to finish all the tasks..

and now..u're nothing but a loser!

huuu..i never thought i'll end up like this.

tutorials madness are coming...and i was the last person to know bout it!

oohhh....god!

i got less than 10hours to study for quizzes...finish those tutorials..lab reports..and speaking test..

maaaaaaaaaaa............

❤ "u deserve the best!" was Posted On: Monday, December 12, 2011 @4:29 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

kiss me and smile for me

it's friday...finally.

i had a major hard time finishing lectures today coz my head cant stop thinking of bed...and break..and freedom...and year end sale..and food..and cakes...plus chocolates n the list goes endlessly.

here i am now...relaxing in the room..alone.. since my roomate doesnt come home yet.

and i'm having 3days of holiday which i'm pretty sure i'll be enjoying them to the max...(i hate the fact that i've to finish those tutorials n lab reports)

oh yerp..speaking of lab reports, did u know one of my groupmates loves to dominate the whole experiment thing..

pretty much annoying right?

who does he thinks he is?

taking my test tubes while i'm working on it...

grabing my solution while i'm pouring it down into a beaker..

shake the test tube i'm shaking..

urghhh...i feel like slapping him..or giving him a flying kicks!

ok..that's too much! but seriously dude,

i want to do it too!

i want to learn too!

i want to be an expert too!

i've to make the lab reports too!

i've to understand the whole concept too!!

urghhhh!!!

even if he's a man..it doesnt mean he should take control of the whole thing!

doesnt he knows any words spelled "TOLERATING"?

did he expects me to sit on the chair..acting like an idiot who got no works to do while put on a lab coat and witnessing him doing everything?

did he thinks he's great enough to dominate the experiment?

oohh..shit!

i mean..seriously- u've to tolerate man!

let's be fair n square!

i wasnt really mad at him..

but i was a bit angry by his attitude..

he might not realise this thing..

he might thinks that i'll be pleasure to have him taking over my works..

he might tries to show that men can help women..

he might not want me to think that he's not there to help me..

but i desperately want him to know that..

NO! i dont need u to take over my works. i can handle it on my own..

I WANT TO LEARN TOO!!!

with all this crazy things happening around me..

i just feel like i want to go home..

i want to be by my mother's side..

i want to tell her the whole thing..

i want her to give me a hug and tell me to be strong..

coz i am really...really fragile now.

i break down over things i shouldnt..

i get upset when i'm not reaching my expectations.

i'm more vulnerable n no longer a saviour.

Labels: 2nd sem, sadness, uitm

❤ "kiss me and smile for me" was Posted On: Friday, December 9, 2011 @1:34 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

bed is ready..pillow is calling..n i'm all set.

well..it's just that

i found out that there'll be another 2 weeks ++ for me to get home.
i find it awkward to get along with my new lab partner. he's doing it quite well..but it might take some time for me to work with him. hrmphhhh...if only i didnt lost the one from last semester.
i'm starting to sleep during lecture quite often now-i guess i should learn how to sleep early.. or at least sleep late bcoz of studying not online-ing.
i was a bit upset since no one wants to accompany me for the charity run this sunday at tasik titiwangsa. cant they see the point? i mean, not only do we can do charity for palestinian..but we can also check out some cute guys from other colleges..urgghhh, i just dont get their view towards it. and..yerp, just blame me for being so annoying.
i had thrown a scum on my face just now...herghhh!!! well the thing is, i smiled at my friend while waving at her..but there was one guy who accidently thought that he was the one i'm aiming for. ohh shit!
my life's getting complicated- i feel bad for hurting someone else's heart n i want to smile at him n stop avoiding him, but at the same time...i just find out that my friend had a crush on him...urghhhh, why me??!! why should i get involved in this thing??!!!
i feel bad for myself - i dont have the guts to ask people to pay their debt. so i guess i should keep calm n carry on.
i feel like...i want to go home! my immune system is starting to collapse.

Labels: 2nd sem

❤ "bed is ready..pillow is calling..n i'm all set." was Posted On: Monday, December 5, 2011 @7:21 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

just breathe

it has been 2weeks now...

and i'm still struggling for some air to survive..

it's not that bad actually..but i dont know,

i just missed home more n more..

i've already bought the ticket for home..

and i've to keep myself busy all day coz if i'm not..hrmpphh. i'll be in tears.

and the question is...when will i grow up?

i should set a barrier...

i should be my own saviour..

i should not be weak anymore..

i should find some fun..well i did. but it seemed inadequate.

i should laugh a lot...smile a lot..

and give respond when people tell me jokes...

i used to be the favourite girl...

i used to laugh out loud..

and i can be..again.

now let's try another topic shall we..

ermm..there'll be some charity run next week which i'm pretty positive i'll be joining in..

well..just making sure i'll get myself busy since there'll be 3days of holiday next week..

and i think i should go out more often to get some different air.

it'll be nice to switch the environment once in a while right?

but then..i still got one day off..which will definitely be very boring i assume..

but never mind..

i should make it as a homework day.

till then..wish me luck.

i'm moving for good...

and i know i should speed up my game.

i shouldnt procrastinate my homework anymore.

i should learn my lessons..

hrmm..

till then..good day

Labels: 2nd sem

❤ "just breathe" was Posted On: Sunday, December 4, 2011 @3:34 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

i want to cry..but i cant.

i used to be tough..but now i'm fragile

i used to be talkative..now i'm full of silence..

i know i should spent more time making new friends..

but...i just cant.

there's something missing..

i've no mood to talk with others..

and no topics can grab my attention..

i'm going crazy lately since my sim card got some problems.

i cant call my parents..neither do they.

and i've no idea where the hell is maxis office located.

urghhhh..

i miss the old version of me..

i miss my laughter...

i'm tired of faking this smile..

coz deep inside...i'm falling down.

i know this is not good for health and that it can lead to cancerous cell..

but..oh god!

nevermind...i'll make myself happy.

i'll find a way..

❤ "i want to cry..but i cant." was Posted On: Friday, December 2, 2011 @5:43 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

stop the sighing

hey friday..

i'm so glad that u're already here..

it's really nice since my class will be ended at noon..

and that i can have some beauty sleep...making sure my mind is fully rested..

and feel free from books..

well.. not that i attached myself to books around d clock..

i mean..it was really hard seeing others studying while u cant do so..

and yes..that happened to me.

i'm just in the mood of shopping...but no one would want to accompany me to do so..

they said...we'll do it soon.

but when?

huuu...

and yesterday was a hectic day..

i had the ipta talk which i heard none but bla bla and bla..

then i went to perjumpaan kayak and the same thing happened

it was boring!!! seriously...

i just want my sleep...

and my friends should know how to stop talking about their boyfriends..

what does he do..

every single words he says..

every action he takes..

bla bla bla...

it drives me up to wall!

not that i'm jealous of them but...

it was boring...again!

the point is..i know u got a boyfriend and i got none..

and u're head over heels of him..and wishing that i'll be feeling the same thing as u did

but come on..what's your main priority?

hrmm..now, get it?

and it was weird..i mean really weird, when one of my friend acting strangely towards me.

he's full of silence when we meet eye to eye but becomes annoying when we chat.

annoying as in trying to win my heart..ermm, yup..told ya he's weird!!

urghhh..i cant wait to finish this last semester..

it's not like i hate it..i do love it

but...i'm just tired...really..really tired.

i'm tired of studying things that are not my cup of coffee..which i end up of sleeping during lecture..

BEL is really driving me crazy..

it's boring...!

calculus n physic on the other hand are the reasons why i cant sleep well..

i just want to survive...and be free from physic..calculus..BEL n CTU..

i'm only craving for chemistry n biology...that's it!

hurghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............................................

23rd dec...come quick.

i'm ready for home!

❤ "stop the sighing" was Posted @12:31 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

damn tired

hey..it's the 1st december..

and i'm supposed to feel good..but in reality, i'm not

u know what?

i've been so lazy lately that i dont understand what i really want..

i'm too tired of making others happy...

i'm too tired of tolerating..

i'm too tired of being quiet in class..

i'm too tired to share my stories with others..

i'm too tired to join the gossip group...

i'm too tired to keep myself neat n tidy all the time..

i'm too tired to fake my smiles..

i'm too tired to go to classes..

i'm too tired to fall sick..

i'm too tired to eat..

i'm too tired to say hello..

urghhhh...everything means nothing anymore.

i cant give my best performance lately..

i'm no longer in joy..

i just....miss my family n friends..

❤ "damn tired" was Posted On: Thursday, December 1, 2011 @1:13 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

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