cant afford to smile
hello thursday and soon to be friday!
i got no class for today as it was cancelled.
i mean..what could've been better than that right?
hrmm..i thought i would be over the moon to hear about this news..
but i dont know...i'm just not in the mood of celebrating anything.
it was gloomy ..the weather n me.
nothing can makes me happy at this moment.
i wish i could find the way out..but i'm lost.
i want to be happy...but i dont know how.
when my friends laugh..i can only afford to smile
when they make jokes...i'm struggling to give responds
i just feel like lying on the bed all day long..
and stop thinking of my responsibilities for a sec..
it's not that i hate my life..i love it, i do.
but sometimes...i just wish i could find a break.
i'm craving for a fresh air..especially home.
and lately i cant even give my best performance which i'm pretty upset with it.
last tuesday was my speaking practice during BEL
i wasnt well-prepared..n i spoke based on the script.
i know i hurt the lecturer so my group n i asked for forgiveness from him since he's a very..very nice person. i'm pretty positive that he didnt even know how to get mad at others.
god bless him.
and as for yesterday..i was called to give an explaination during the biology class.
i've to say that i'm a bit mad at myself.
i did prepared the night before..but when the day came, i was nothing but a loser.
i should do better than that!!!
urghh..
i need my strength back..
i want to be my own saviour like i used to..
i know i need to smile a lot..
it's the best cure..
but i just dont feel like smiling now.
the truth is..i'm desperately need my family now...
i'm nothing without them..
half of me is dead..the other is barely able to breathe..
but i need to hold on..it would take a week to see them again.
i dont care if my friends would say i'm such a baby..
coz they're not me!
i'm not tough enough..
Labels: 2nd sem, sadness, under the weather..
kiss me and smile for me
it's friday...finally.
i had a major hard time finishing lectures today coz my head cant stop thinking of bed...and break..and freedom...and year end sale..and food..and cakes...plus chocolates n the list goes endlessly.
here i am now...relaxing in the room..alone.. since my roomate doesnt come home yet.
and i'm having 3days of holiday which i'm pretty sure i'll be enjoying them to the max...(i hate the fact that i've to finish those tutorials n lab reports)
oh yerp..speaking of lab reports, did u know one of my groupmates loves to dominate the whole experiment thing..
pretty much annoying right?
who does he thinks he is?
taking my test tubes while i'm working on it...
grabing my solution while i'm pouring it down into a beaker..
shake the test tube i'm shaking..
urghhh...i feel like slapping him..or giving him a flying kicks!
ok..that's too much! but seriously dude,
i want to do it too!
i want to learn too!
i want to be an expert too!
i've to make the lab reports too!
i've to understand the whole concept too!!
urghhhh!!!
even if he's a man..it doesnt mean he should take control of the whole thing!
doesnt he knows any words spelled "TOLERATING"?
did he expects me to sit on the chair..acting like an idiot who got no works to do while put on a lab coat and witnessing him doing everything?
did he thinks he's great enough to dominate the experiment?
oohh..shit!
i mean..seriously- u've to tolerate man!
let's be fair n square!
i wasnt really mad at him..
but i was a bit angry by his attitude..
he might not realise this thing..
he might thinks that i'll be pleasure to have him taking over my works..
he might tries to show that men can help women..
he might not want me to think that he's not there to help me..
but i desperately want him to know that..
NO! i dont need u to take over my works. i can handle it on my own..
I WANT TO LEARN TOO!!!
with all this crazy things happening around me..
i just feel like i want to go home..
i want to be by my mother's side..
i want to tell her the whole thing..
i want her to give me a hug and tell me to be strong..
coz i am really...really fragile now.
i break down over things i shouldnt..
i get upset when i'm not reaching my expectations.
i'm more vulnerable n no longer a saviour.
Labels: 2nd sem, sadness, uitm
breathless
well..i did.
and it still is...boring.
but it's getting better now.
i can laugh...i can smile..i can start a conversation...i didnt miss my family as badly as yesterday..
see..told ya! i just need a week.
and it hasnt been a week yet...but i'm slowly curing my heart..
i went to ctu class this morning..and the lecturer wasnt there
hrmm..was it a good thing or else?
well..it was good since we dont have to learn..yet
but it was so bad that i got lost this morning
the class supposed to be blk tec 10 n i went to blk tec 16..
hurghhh...it wasnt a good start though.
and after an hour...here i am, in the room watching some movies.
ALONE..uhhu
luckily suzreen would be with me eating lunch after this..
owhh...
i missed watching cartoons with syahir
i missed playing badminton with irah
i missed all my moments at home..
urghhh..shit lah
no..i'm a big girl now
i dont cry!
Labels: 2nd sem, sadness, uitm
keep holding on
it was the first day of d new semester.
and all i can say was- it was helll bored!
i thought i'll be very excited to see my friends..
i thought i'm ready to attend the classes
i thought i can endure those 5 weeks without any complains
i thought i can trust myself to be a better girl..
and i was wrong..again.
i will never be a grown up.
ok..maybe it might take one week to get myself comfortable with this situation.
maybe my body needs to restore all those good memories i had for d last semester
but for now, my body might be here in palam..but my mind is still with my family..
and the ugly truth is...they're still in kl enjoying their time.
but wuteva it is...i WANT to be with them!
i miss everything about the previous holiday..
it was perfect!
and now...it's vice versa!
it was boring attending those classes without doing anything
and all i can do now is to search for the videos i've been watching with my siblings during the holidays...
uhhuuu
not to mention...the internet drove me up to wall
what a life kan?
i need a driver
those taxi drivers..lorry drivers,
they're not intelligent but they can drive
and..so can i!
i thought driving is just about focusing on the road..and the things around us
legs play an important part
and u must not be sleepy when driving.
for me..drivers who drove slowly are inconsiderate
they dont care about other drivers
and..
they dont appreciate the time too
but...it all changed until yesterday.
it was my first time driving on the road
and..all i can say is, i drove so recklessly!!!!
drunk person drove better than i am..!
i was totally an idiotic when it comes to driving
huuu..the car moves like a snake
and..very very slow too
and i'm sorry for raising the driver's boiling points yesterday
huuuu...!!!
i just want to cry...
why am i so powerless when it comes to driving?
why...??
hurghh!
maybe i was meant to be a passenger...not a driver
ma..i think i need a driver
Labels: driving academy, sadness
your eyes tell just everything
umm...right now there's quite a crowd at my house
and i'm right here, trying to post my entry
quite rude eyh? yeah i know..
but i just dont get along with them well.. (eventhough they're my cousins)
just shake hands..smile..and ummm, what else?? nothing!
i dunno wut to talk about..wut to laugh about or simply just wut to gossip about
they're all late 20's and early 30's..so wut do u expect?
and yes..they're all married couples
and one thing i dislike is that...
their first sight at me which is..that up-and-down staring,
and..weird expression
huaaaaaaa...
i know larr!!
my body is too HOT...too BIG unlike yours yang quite kurus kering
hwaaa...wut to do?
babe..u have to have that type of body for the sake of my cousins right?
after all..this is my body which i'll be carrying all my way
kenapa? dengki eyh??!!
huaaa...i know u takkan pernah dengki pon!
huuuuuuu...
ok laa!
till then..thank u my blog sbb dgr rintihan hati yg lara nih
ilove u my blog!
night night..
umm...8 more days to d' u-know-what day?
ok..i'll just die
bye
Labels: countdown to spm, sadness
bored bored bored
my oh my!!today is sooooo boring!!
i woke up at 6.50am - mandi - dressup - called my driving tutor
but no one answered..hell great!
then..he sms-ed me and cancelled today's session coz kotaraya was flooded with rain water
OH MAN! OH GREAT!! damn it!
it felt as if someone threw a scumbag on my face
i didnt mean to be so mean..but arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!
kenapa baru nk inform??!!
is it so hard to sms me bout that last night?
hwaaa..
but forget about it...
i hate that part!
and now..the whole day
i've been in front of the laptop, logging in my facebook..
and same goes to my blog
but...there's no updates
NOTHING!
ohh wut a great day i got today
i mean..is there any major problems that i missed, (apart from tsunami in Japan)
and so i just listened to some old songs..
played some old games..
watch the same movie..
browsing the same pictures
which is BEYOND BORING!
huuu..
k till then
it's time to pen off since there's absolutely nothing to do
Labels: countdown to spm, mean girl, raining, sadness
may i know why
why??!!
is there something wrong with me?something that i cant see, but reflected clearly to others?
am i too unattractive or somekind like that?
or do people find me as an annoying girl?
a girl with extreme level of arrogance?
the same one who look like a bitch or alien?
do most people think of me in that way?
perhaps they did!
and yes i admit..i hardly smile to strangers
when i'm alone in public..i never smile and simply be mute
but THAT doesnt mean I AM ARROGANT!
maybe my facial expression is too hoity toity?
the way i walk...maybe it's too arrogant for public
and when i do my job...people say i get too serious with it
and it reflects my arrogance..
yes..i've once said i dont care of the people's judgement on me
but no..sometimes i cant help it
i NEED to concern about it!
yes i want to break the ice..but no one seems to care
and with that..people simply judge me as an arrogant girl
blogging is wayyy more fun even though i'm only monologue like a mad girl
it puts a question mark when there's a person
approaching another person sitting beside me,
and asking about me! (did u get wut i tried to say)
i mean..WHAT THE HELL?? (i'm here in front of u, idiot!)
why cant just ask me directly?
it happens several times
and i feel like running into the woods, be all alone
and just cry with all my heart
i admit that there's not many people who i put on my trust
i dont trust a person in a blink of an eye..it really took time for me to do that
maybe a year..or two, maybe?
especially when it comes to general knowledge,
i hardly trust wut people said
i've to go home..do some research, study
and if it was a fact she/he talked just now, only then i trusted it
but that doesnt mean i trust the person
williaw shakespear once said, " love all, trust a few, do wrong to none"
and that's wut i believed until now, and always will.
but still..why?
what are the first thought that people gave to me instead of an arrogant girl?
am i an alien?
i'm not saying i dont care bcoz i do.. REALLY care about it!
Labels: average joe, sadness
i need...another break huuu
as usual..when it comes to the date which spm result will be release..
there is not only a date..
there must be 2..3..so on and so forth!
some said it's on 28th Feb, others said it's on 29th Feb..
and majority said it's on 14th March
and..which one should i believe and count to??
the answer is..wait till ministry of education announces it..
but the ugly truth is..It'S AROUND THE CORNER!!
tick tock tick tock
omg!!! i'll be facing my days horribly starting by...wait for it...
ummm, NOW!!
okay..chill mimi!
u're a grown up girl already..xkan la nk act like u're in form 3..!!
kuarantin xupdate blog for a week before the result was released..
konon2..it was time for u to repent and bla3..
but fortunately, Alhamdullilah..u got straight A's
and the feeling was...umm, indescribable right?
it felt as though i've completed the revenge for not gettin straight A's in UPSR.
bcoz in my philosophy...i repeat, MY philosophy
so wut if u got 5A's in UPSR when u didnt got 8A's in PMR?
and now the problem is..
mimi..so wut if u got 8A's in PMR if u didnt get straight A's in SPM??
it's meaningless!!
SPM is everything..it's like the world!
spm's trial is nothing to be brag about..
urghh..i really hate people who're like
"what do u got for trial? mine was...hee, straight"
i mean..WHAT DA HELL?
kick buttowski, can u please spin kick that person??!!
urghh please..for me!
or..spongebob, can u make krabby patty out of that person?
i'm like..man!
dont be over- confident.
yeah..klu u punyer trial was straight A's and the REAL SPM u pon, straight jgak..
i'll take down my ego..and salute u for that, congrats!
but..wut if u dont?? arent u just embarrass yourself?
ok..enough with other people's stuff
wut i'm worried the most right now is..MINE!
wut if i dont..and failed to make my parents put on their broadest smiles ever
hug me like there's no tomorrow..
burst into tears..or just sweat their body off and say, "greatly Alhamdullilah"
imagine if that'll happen..if i didnt pass with flying colours,
then, i just cant tell what'll happen
honestly..i'm afraid to imagine it that way.
but..let say if i manage to get grr grr greaaattt result
one thing for sure, i'll die with a smile on my face.
the world would be a much better place to live on
and..so on bla3!! mimi..stop it!
okay..i think i better get some sleep
or else..i'll simply get dizzy..and, have an oversleep day so..walaaahh, gain another pound!
just a girl named mimie yahaya. i'm not good at describing myself...trust me. i can be a very antisocial person but i can be loud too, when i'm with the person i love. will turn 19 soon..and i wish i can always be mommy's little angel, daddy's little girl. i love bieber n 1D. that's all...
