this is where i belong
this peacefulness that i had tonight is one of the things i wanted to remember.
the cold winds entering thru the windows softly blew my hairs and touched the skin of mine.
i ran outside, took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, softly.
it felt really good, i had an endorphine surged.
the rain, although it has settled down i can still hear the few last drops of it.
the selawat of maulidur rasul from the nearby mosque filled the eardrums of mine.
i love it.
i love it more than anything.
despite having to study for my upcoming osce,
despite i'll be going back to Selayang tomorrow,
despite of the inadequate study break,
i cant help but to love everything around me.
now please excuse me, i need to inhale more of this peaceful, uncontaminated air.
aaaahh...
just, perfect.
u need to realize..
went home for the holiday with a bag full of books preparing for the upcoming testthe plans were all made, my mind was all set
arrived home and was warmly greeted by the bed
spent a whole day on it tryna make up for the sleeping debt
promised myself i'll be a good girl and follow the schedule that i've set
made a cuppa coffee and in my room shall i sat
accidently opened the youtube and downloaded so many music videos before i forget
the internet is being so kind to me, i smiled like a happy cat
but all the assignments i had are nowhere to start at
you're such a naughty girl, where do u put your promises at?
urghhh...this is so irritating i cant help myself but to be mad
mimi...will you just open those books that're sleeping soundly in your bag?!
the exams is just a few days ahead please put it in your head..
we can do this..we can achieve the goals that u had..
but it'll only works if u realized and get off from the bed..
and stay away from the internet
weekend come quick lehh
so today marks the end of my ent roation.
as much as i always get stress reading the diseases, i cant help feeling frustrated and sad the fact that it has ended.
it was fun though...although it pretty much involved the suction of impacted ear wax...looking deep into the nostrils where u'll first be greeted with the nostril hairs..tryna look cool and confident when the Dr asked whether or not u found the cone of light while visualizing the tymphanic membrane, and the answer would always be "yes" even so if u didnt, haha. and lots of other naughty stuffs a clumsy girl like me would do..plus some questions i already knew the answers just because...you know, the Dr is so cute..haha. ok just kidding..he's a father of 3, man!
so, next up would be the psychiatry rotation in Selayang Hospital. well as much as i'm excited about it, it was kinda heart-breaking to enter this department the fact that an unfortunate friend of mine has an underlying mental problem and the fact that we'll be meeting him up next week. hopefully i wont get too emotional and what not. all there's left to do is to pray for the best for him and his future.
okayyy now...i cant wait for tomorrow's jog and all the aunty kind of stuffs (read: grocery shopping) coz i'm just sooo sooo soooo stressed out this whole week. can we just take a few mins to stare at the bed and appreciate its presence?
okay done! now back to works...urghh...
someone call 999
4 new departments in 8 weeks timeAnd that includes..Ophthalmology, Forensic, Otolaryngology and Psychiatry
I'm entering the 6th week now.
Examination in less than 3 weeks time.
That includes active and passive stations.
Knowledge and skill level?!
Cant even find a word to describe it.
Disastrous.
Am i ready?
Hell nooo.
takpe takpe..breathe in breathe out.
calm down..
caaaaalm down...
random late night entry
dear self,
these are the things i need you to learn and implement in your life.
# 1 endure yourself!
u feel like signing up your own instagram account instead of using your younger sister's. endure!
u feel like uploading pictures of u since your colleagues are doing those things too, endure! endure!
u feel like messaging a friend u had crush on just to ask some stupid question.whoaa,hold on, endure!
haha seriously..
haha seriously..
u feel like wearing make up to look less like a living corpse, plussss people tend to look a lot better (read: prettier) with make up on. need i say more? endure, dude!
u feel like dressing up a bit prettier today..just because..well say whaaattt?! gotta endure!
#2 love yourself
remember the video u watched last week on TEDTalk about this woman who divorced thrice and still searching for the love of her life not realising the only person she needed to marry first was herself.
yeah...that video taught u a lot. and never forget that!
u'll be stuck with this body till death do us apart.
so make vow to it, love it with all your heart.
beautiful women are those with beautiful mind, always carrying brain with her.
#3 be better than yesterday
u gotta get out of your comfort zone
stop being comfortable with what u have now
there are people out there working their ass off to seek for knowledge, to be the best version they could ever be
and why on earth are u standing still like a frozen zombie?
get up from the bed and do something productive
something thats better than yesterday.
it'll be worth it.
#4 stop procrastinating
the video that u watched this morning about "how to achieve what u want" conveys a lot of message
u can get all things that u want...but it's not eaaaasyyy
this it shall take an extra effort
if people wake up at 6.30, u wake up at 6.
if people read 2 books a week..u read 4 books.
be few steps ahead of time
be alert be phycisally fit and determined
well at least this shall make u feel less like a shit i guess
okayyyyy thats allll
be kind, always.
Being a 4th year
medical student, i cant help but being grateful in all of the events happening
in my life. It took a lot of courages and not to mention, sleepless nights
especially for a chicken shit like me. Witnessing death daily is part of being
me. I’ve seen many kinds of it. Death whilst asleep, death secondary to septic
shock, death after an assault, maternal death of a woman who had just delivered
her baby, infant death from a motor vehicle accident, yada yada yada u just name it. Although the 3
months old baby case broke my heart, the most unforgettable one for me was the
death of a robber from a gunshot by a team of police that occured last week. Although
it was filled with excruciating pain witnessing the bullets being removed from
the base of skull and the ribcage, I must admit that this case has taught me a
lot about, LIFE. I have tons of things to write about it, but then again I’m
afraid it might be medicolegal to tell the whole story so I’ll just cut it
short. Seeing too many deaths (especially during my forensic attachment), I started convincing myself “ this is not the way I
would want my life to end up with.”
But what choice do we have? We cant
predict the future, neither can we run from what was written for us. Afterall,
we’re just a powerless human being. And one thing that I hate is the fact that
people simply judge without even know the story behind it. From the case I’ve
mentioned before, I’m sure majority would’ve been mad at the deceased for being
a robber and for owning a pistol and for shooting the polices. But little did
they know how long it was since he had his last meal, and seeing his dilated
intestine and how greyish his stomach content was, I can assumed that he’s been
starving long enough and was shot to death in the state of hunger. Pretty sad
huh? Well I’m not taking any sides or putting any blames, I’m neither on the
police nor the deceased. But the point is, lets not simply judge people’s life.
Second thing I learnt was the way
I want to be remembered when I’m gone for good, one fine day. this requires a lot of efforts
and pratices but it’s alright, we’ll work on it. Life isn’t just about
achieving your aims. It’s worth more than just that alone. It’s about balance,
well even the Quran mentioned about it (or the hadis is it? I’m sorry, still
working on my Islamic knowledge). I know my threshold sometimes get a lil bit down
the line and I tend to get mad or disappointed or sad quite easily but with
practice, InshaAllah we’ll make it better.
Third thing is, the need of being
grateful with your family and friends. I just cant stress even more on how important this is. God..no words could explain the love i had for both of my parents. Even thinking about them could
stimulates my lacrimal gland leaving me crying underneath my pillows. Sometimes
I missed them so much I called them just to hear their voices. They’re just the
priceless gift God has sent for me and not to mention, the reason why I cried
like a baby. Although friends of mine would always always aaaallwaaayyss mention
about their boyfriends, how romantic guys can be, the presents that they get yada
yada yada and how I should start dating too and stop rejecting and how I should
be worried since the prevalance of unmarried women is on the rise nowadays. Whoaaa wait up guys, I’m only 22 years young. Err it’s a soulmate
kinda thing we’re talking about, okay? So mind you, i need to choose wisely. Plus,
the love that I had for both of my parents are so strong I’ve yet to spare a
vacancy for any guys to fit in. And talking about soulmate, do I need to be
worried when the story of my life was written by the Greatest writer so be
patient, the best is yet to come.
4th thing is, the fact
that I need to brush up my knowledge on Islam and be closer to Him because
death, it can occur to anyone, anywhere and anytime. And frankly speaking, with
this little knowledge of mine, i really am afraid thinking of the future of my
Hereafter. So lets make full use of our time and package ourselves beautifully and elegantly so
that by the time we met our Creator, he’ll smile at us and perhaps saying “hey I
remember u, girl with a golden heart”.
And I guess that’s all for today.
Wow..i never knew I'm still capable of writing a long entry such this* pat myself on the back*
eternally grateful
u know..they always said that everything happens for a reason.
and indeed they do...every.single.time.
me being the girl i've always been
who sometimes...is less aware of her surroundings
and the one who overthink of things most of the time (well i tried to change but...)
i tend to have gazillion of things in my mind...
like...why does this thing happens to me?
is there anything wrong with me..
or is there something that i missed?
what plan does God has for?
and yada yada yada...(u know the flow right..)
but in the end..
i saw where the problem leads to
i saw the progression
and why it happened at the first place
and indeed...He is the best planner of all.
for this..i am eternally grateful.
i'm sorry for always questioning this and that and that..
i'm sorry for not looking on the bright side like how i promised to
i'm just..i'm sorry for all of my wrongdoings
but it's fine i guess ..
it's okayyy not to have it all, all the time
this is what life supposed to be right..
it is meant to teach you right and wrong..
in the hope that one day u'll be more...wiser i guess.
okaaaayyy....enough for today
back to books shall we?
just a girl named mimie yahaya. i'm not good at describing myself...trust me. i can be a very antisocial person but i can be loud too, when i'm with the person i love. will turn 19 soon..and i wish i can always be mommy's little angel, daddy's little girl. i love bieber n 1D. that's all...
