Me: i think i'm fat and really neeedd to start a diet. Like...a really strict diet ya know!
Friend: no u look fine! Btw...i've already started my diet and still am. And i've been exercise for quite a while now. Bla3 bla3....

While waiting....

Friend: Remember this one thing, dont starve yourself...replace the carbs with proteins and some fruits and u'll be doing fine. Lgipon time houseman nnti confirm boleh kurus!
Me: yaa..yaa...totally agree. Heard that from someone. Eh...u hungry tak? Coz i am laaaa..
Friend: Mannnn....me too. Jommmm...makan! But where eh?
Me: Idk but i saw a mcD somewhere over there...
Friend: letsssss goooo i'm starvingggg!!


2 cheeseburgers pleaseeeeee.....!!!
Lepas telan those burgers....
Whattt??!! Whyy??!!! $eriuosly dudee??!!
Kau dah amnesia ke apeee?!!

When will u ever start your so-called-strict diet?!
Epic fail everyone...epic fail!! (Facepalmmm)

Bella: Mommy, can i have a boyfriend and make him put a ring on my finger and then get married by the sea wearing my vera wang dress, and we're going to have 3 kids or maybe 4..Can i, mummy?


Me: Nope..and nope..and noooo way Bella. U're sooooo going to enter a medschool and become an introvert just like mummy does, so puhlleaseee, just stop dreaming younglady. Now go read your notesss!!

Oh well...my kind of monday.
It has been quite bored at night since i've no where to go except for being lazy on the chair, flipping through the notes.
But most of the time....u'll find me on my bed, paying my sleeping debts.

I'll be going home tomorrow while everyone else had already did since last friday.
Mannn...that hurts a lot!
So...in the mean time, i guess i'll be spending my time playing with Bella and my flamigos and my trees and talking to myself and maybe read up some notes...
Oh well...the last task seems impossible.
Nevertheless....i'm prettyexcited for tomorrow!
Come quiccckkkrrrrr!!

Friday.

I'm sorry.
My frontal vein bulged out again tonight.
Not because i was stressed.
Not that i'm feeling feverish or something.
Simply because of my sister's story just now.


Sometimes i laughed too hard and fool around too much without realising there's people somewhere out there... crying, regretting, living in a very miserable life, losing job, searching for food, run out of money, and the worse of all - losing the people they love.

I forgot.
Sometimes i forgot how to appreciate.
And how to be empathy.
And to think about others.
To control myself.
And to do good deeds.
I'm not saying that i'm so kind i've to help people..
But sometimes...it's good to think about others rather than you..you..you and YOU AGAIN n AGAIN n .....


So yeah..
The thing is....the father of my sister's friend had just passed away last week due to stroke and he was only 55 y.o at that time.
And my sister's friend is still in a denial state where she just cant accept the fact that her father...had died.
I mean..sure, it's a normal situation that people experience.
Scietifically, there're 5 stages of grief that most people will face during hard situations.
Denial>>>anger>>>bargaining>>>depression>>>acceptance

Yes it's normal to deny the situation coz in the end, u'll either be accepting the situation or worse, still denying.
It's just a matter of time.
Some people takes too much time, some people straightly go to the acceptance phase.
There's a whole lot of variety.

But the thing is..
What about me?
What about this weak, fragile, too dependable girl?
Frankly speaking..i'm not tough enough.
I cant be a hero without all of my backbones (families)
I'm just...still immature.
Sure..it's easy to tell people to be patient...but if we were in their shoes, what would we do?

Man...i could only pray for the best to her and her siblings now that both of her parents are gone (her mother died when she is 6)
People come and people go.
Nothing is certain in life, except for death.
And as for the pain..
Yes, it hurts a lot.
But they always say...time heals almost everything.
I can only hope for the best to her and her siblings.
And may their late parents be among the good people and patiently waiting their children in Jannah.

Al-Fatihah.

U know u're a freak when...

1. U crave for some fish n chips at 12midnight.

- weirdo alertttt..

   2. U  fooled around...all the time, when the fact is u signed up yourself for the medic olympiad competition which is about to happen in less than 2weeks time.

- this is a total mental suicide!

  3. U get mad knowing that a stranger knows your name. (It's just a name, u overthinking lady!)

4.  U've been having sleep deprivation for several days now and u look like a zombie.


Seriously.....!
I need my weekend getaways now!
Like...rite nawww yawww!

Hi tuesday.

I've never tried yoga before.
But since life is quite boring during the weekdays..
And my sister did mention of giving her yoga mat to me, so yeahh...
I figured..why not give it a try?
Plus i'm trying to cut off the fat now after having a panic attack calculating my BMI last 2 weeks.
It was a total disaster believe mehhh...

So i goggled and youtubed some workout and yoga videos
And found this ahhhhhhmaaaazinnngggg yoga practitioner, Tara Stiles.
Hands down people...hands down!
Her body is like...to.die.for!
And i was literally drooling (and dying) watching all of her videos.
Maannn...wish i could own that kind of body.






And suprisingly....yoga aint hurt at all!
It was very soothing...and calm and most of all, breathing pattern is the golden key.
And it felt really2 great after the workout.
Damn...no wonder people become addicted to this kind of exercise.


Ok till then
Oh friday come quick coz im going to run away from here n be with my sisterrrrrzzzz...
Hoyeahszz

Semester break starts this friday.
Btn programme starts on saturday till tuesday, they said.
My flight is on tuesday's evening.
And thennnn...
"Hey guyss...the btn is cancelled."

Oh yeah?!
Wow...that my friend, is a joke of the year!!
Bravo bravo..
Now i shall be crying, screaming, yelling like crazy.

Been homesick like crazeyhhhhh right now..
And having to face this kind of disaster is an absolute heartbreaking.

Lets just cryyyy...

This picture might reflect what i looked like today after the statistics class.
Seriously dude..
I'm not a math person..
Give me numbers...give me calculations and i'll most probably precribe u with antipsychotic drugs.
But if u dont wanna take it..fine, let me just have it, both the numbers and the drugs so i shall dig my own graveyard.

Pro exam is just 74days ahead.
And after all those sleeping time, eating time..playing, wasting and what not...
That shall leave me to only 30days to the deathly exam.

Life.is.great huh?
Okay just stop being a lazy fatasszzz...


P/s
They always say that u wont be feeling sleepy learning the reproductive module.
It was super fun and super interesting, they said.
But i dont think it's applicable to me.
All those testes...penis...vagina and all of their related things and what not...isnt that interesting at all ya knoww!
Learning bout heart and brain is way wayy wayyyyyy more interesting!
Dont judge....but yeahhh, i dont know what's happening to my androgens and all those steroid hormones...but frankly speaking, i want to end this module asap!

If there is one thing thats gonna keep me away from preparing for the professional exam this upcoming july..
I swear there's nothing else...
Nothing...except the freakin 'emergency couple' drama that acts like a marijuana to my body.






Continously stimulating my central nervous system to keep replaying my favourite episodes and wait there's more!
Let me just tell u something dude...
The amount of time taken to replay all those freakin episodes are absurbly mind blowing that i feel like banging my head on the wall..
Why on earth did i watch those drama at the first place??
Thats just a mega huge gigantic mistake dude!

Everyone else seems very eager and energetic revising all those notes... while me??
Yeah...i'm just being what i did best!
Study not-quite-hard...play hardest!

Seriously dude....just get your mind on those notes!!
It's professional exam...and it spells D.E.A.T.H!
Go break your legs! (And arms too!!)

I want to go home now
I want to laugh with my parents
I want to see my mother's smile
I want to watch tv with my father.
I want to listen to him telling me something i dont know.
I want to eat my mother's cooking
I want to go shopping with her.
I want to accompany her to the mall and picking up my brotha n sister.
I dont mind of my father nagging to me coz it appears that he knows about drugs more than i did.
I dont mind of my mother telling me to make up the room and pick up the clothes on the floor.
I just....dont careeeeee.
Coz all i wanna do right now is just....
TO GO HOME!
TO GO HOME!
TO GO HOMEEEEEEE!!!

***
Oh well...it's monday!
The schedule is quite relax this week..soooo what else do u expect other than being homesicking?!
I just missed ma famille beaucoup!
Urghh...2more weeks!!
Just keep breathing!
Just keep living!
Just keep being human..at least.

Life recently,.... has taught me a lot of things.
To be true to yourself, to your friends and to everyone.
To never think twice in helping people
To watch for what u're saying
To be kind.
To endure.
To handle the pain.
Not to be sad.
And a lot more.

And all i wanna do right now is to get a pen and a book.
And write down things i'd love to do...and must do, before..ya know...going 6feets under.

A dear friend of mine had just reminded me about death and apocalypse and some other things.
Yes...they're a bit extreme for my ears to listen and for my brain to digest all the info.
But soon i realised, it kind of wakes me up...and i didnt even notice how my life has been..ya know, boring...

But i dont know...
Theres just so many things to think about.
Some crazy amount of things running inside my head.
But as they always said..
Get it slowly...and slowly and slowly.
Coz afterall, moving slowly is better than stoodstill..


Lets just love the life we have
And never stop being grateful about it.

I may not be your good friend.
I may not be there when u need me.
I may not be able to help u all the time.
I may not be your good example.
I may not be able to say things that shall comfort your mind, heart and soul.
Not that i dont want to...but simply because i'm not good with words.

They always said that the greatest smile hides the saddest tears.
And yet, i was blind.
U always have this brightest smile with u that i'm so jealous of.
But like i said before....a smile can sometimes hides thousands of tears.

I know u've cried a lot...
I know u've suffered quite bad..
I know u've struggled hard
I know...i know.
And i want u to know now that u're a hero, our hero.

I'm sorry.
For all the mistakes that i've done.
For all the things i was not be able to help.
For just...everything!

U're a kind person..u taught me a lot!
We used to be in the same battle..fought together.
But i was blinded with all the endless works
I left u behind...and didnt even asked u how u've been.

I know i'm bad.
I know i can be selfish sometimes.
But thank u, for opening my eyes
And teach me to help others...and to love..and to fight.

May the odds be ever in your favours!
And...i mean it.

I shall sit for the endocrine test this friday afternoon..
And...i, am yet to get the inspiration to at least go through the notes what more to study n memorize them,

Instead...
I've been planning for my weekend day out.
Been thinking of my raya outfits.
Been homesick like crazy
Been singing...laughing..talking.
Been going out...throwing a farewell for dirah.
And so many other things...except for studying.
Cool eh?

Malam nk test nanti confirm kau jdi zombie..vampire..bats and all those freaky things
Congrats for the wise time planning

My blood glucose level after 2 hours of post prandial.
Not bad...not bad at all dear pancreas.
Good...keep on working efficiently.

While i was doing my homework just now...and still am,
i cant help but to stuff my mouth with all the desserts i got with me right now.
My sister's cookies (i wanna just marry her already!!)...ikea's leftover choc cake...mark n spencer digestive choc and many others that'll surely stimulates my satiety center till the end of this semester.

And yes...the lecture that i'm currently digesting is about obesity.
I mean..yeahhh, perfect!!
Obesity lecture plus a mouth full of sinfully good desserts.
What could've been any better right?
Totally fattening yet totally romantic!!

So dear foods,
Lets just not breakup and remain happily eva after with me, will u?

I mean..
Dang..who cares right.
Oh ya....diabetes type 2 do cares!!
But whatevs.

Ok shut up...enjoy the foods...and finish up your homework girl!
Plus u're not that fat yet..(denial)

The one who i went to immediately after my pharmacology class last friday.
The one who laughed real hard when she saw me wearing my abbaya.  (Dude, it's fridayyy)
And laughed harder the moment i told her a stranger just called me "habibi"
Yes...it was a weird-awkward-dumbfounded moment! Sheeeeett..

The one who brought me to this arabic restaurant and ordered the foods that left us walking like a pregnant cow...and decided to talk some walk at the warta mall.
The one who got scared seeing the funeral van in front of masjid putra.
The one who would spend her friday night with me at putrajaya, fooling around, laughing hard.


The one who's willing to fulfill my auntie anne's craving and who would share the alamanda's gigantic coconut shake with me.
The one who would drove me to ikea and the curve and sent me back to my college but later, mama called and told me to go back to ukm with my sister since she was worried of my sister driving alone in the middle of the night for a one hour journey (why cant u stop overthinking...over worrying), so yeah...i had to follow her back to ukm.


And as for today..
I had a nice beriyani after a long queue for the food...but since they were damn good, who cares the 15 minutes queue afterall..
Then went for a walk at bangi getaways and bought myself some baju raya.
And now...stranded at my residential college, fooling around instead of studying.

weekend...come quick.

Muka pucat mcm org sakit xsembuh2...
Too lazy to put on some lip gloss, lip balm and all those lip stuffs simply bcoz, i hate em.
tudung senget, spek senget, senyum senget...
been wearing the same tudung since tuesday..up till thursday.
Went out for dinner and window shopping just now...with the same tudung.
Havent ironing my baju kurung yet still manage to look normal
So yeah...as a conclusion,
Life's good so far.
We'll see what's gonna happen when pro exam hits me.
Selekeh tahap bomoh buah kelapa...eh?

Damn it.
I was browsing through my old files just now when i  bumped into several pictures my younger brotha n sista made for me while i was at home last time.
And yes...i was laughing like a mad lady..all alone inside the study room.
People might as well think someone is stress out with studying that makes her laugh that hard.
Damn it i miss those 2 clowns.



And yes it's already 2.30am and i'm craving for auntie anne's choc sticks at this freaking moment.
How cool is that?
Friday come quick coz i'm definitely gonna have two sets of those mouth watering...totally fattening choc sticks that make me care less about the sinful amount of calories in it coz they re damn good...so who cares right?

And talking about today..i might have to do something to myself.
Like...torturing, abusing and etc my currently sluggish mind so that  i can speed up and make some useful time studying n revising the notes coz seriously dude, thats the only thing u ought to do by now.
I'll figure the solution by tomorrow coz right now...i cant think straight.
Hell yeah blame it on  uncureable laziness ruling this body

So tomorrow shall be an ece session which i hope i wont be selected to do the history taking of the primer..and for pbl, yeah whatevs...havent really practice for the presentation.

Seriously dude...it's already the 2nd week of endocrine and all i can see right now is an absurbly lazy fatass who's reluctant to study even just a bit.
It's time for a change..seriously!

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