✿ a cup of love

can.i.not.take.the.exams?

syamimi...

macam dh makin malas skrg

she's no longer sleeps at 2 or 3am..

she's no longer hanging around the ward

she's no longer be the eager one

and i wonder why it happens

and i hope she realised that short cases will be held in less than 2 weeks time from now

and i hope she wakes up

and put her heart and soul and brain and be committed in studying..

i know she knew this...but i hope she opens her eyes and take actions.

urghhh...

❤ "can.i.not.take.the.exams?" was Posted On: Tuesday, October 27, 2015 @10:46 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

whatevs

i missed the old me.
entah..
somehow i feel like she's no longer inside me
and i'm no longer a happy girl..which is pretty sucks coz i love laughing my heart out and i hate being in the state of depression and stressed out and sluggish and u just name it..

entahla...
i just hate it.

❤ "whatevs" was Posted On: Friday, October 23, 2015 @12:52 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

fast and furios much?

dear self

i got 2 more weeks to study for my exam

and ironically..the more i read..the more i feel so dumb..

and so i got stressed out

and got lots of pimples around my face but who cares like whatevs

and i get so pissed of with myself for not focusing in the class during the seminars

and for not examining the patients adequately

for not following the everyday rounds..

blablabla..

i was just so unorganized these pat few days.

but thank God

i found myself again

this stress aint gonna ensure a bright future

if i just memorize this and that..i'll forgotten em too shortly, too easily

so i gotta plan another strategy

i guess it's all about trying and failing and trying again until those knowledge eternally stuck in your higher centre.

so dear self..

dont get too stressed out..

life's just too beautiful to be wasted on higher cortisols which causing more harms than benefits

u've been in so many obstacles..and survived up till now

u're made from the steels..or diamonds..or platinum or whatever it is

and if u think u can..then u can.

if u think otherwise..then it's the other way around.

so lets buckle up

and ready to accelerate..

❤ "fast and furios much?" was Posted On: Sunday, October 18, 2015 @3:22 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

favourite dept so far..

so today marks my last day of neurology posting in HKL.
and how do i describe this feeling?

well it's like ermm.. going to the beach when u're wearing the hijab and the clothes plus u're just too damn old to get into the water so u just stand there..feet in the water..the wind blows your scarf u feel like your heart gonna blow out anytime soon coz u're just too damn happy!
God i love that feeling..

so yeahh..i think i'd like to describe my neurology posting that way..
i never knew i would fall in love this much with the neurology dept
the first week though...was really hard!
i struggled in examining the patients...clerking their history..
and i always find myself clueless in almost everything i do..
for example..
where do i do the reflexes
where's lesion could be..
what else to ask the patient..
whats the indication of this..and that and that thing on the bedside?
ahh it was stressful...

but it gets easier as time goes by..
i barely get upset with myself too, which i always had during the first couple days there..
then i noticed few changes..
i dont mind waking up at 6oclock to take my shower
i dont mind driving into the traffic jam coz duhhh...the hospital is in the centre of the city
i dont mind walking a distance to get to the clinic..
i dont mind at all..

the patients are all really nice..being with them is more like a bonding time rather than a clerking time which i really enjoy the moment
the nurses....they're the nicest i've ever met
and the doctors...oh God, i fell in love with each of them and their attitudes!
i wish i had more time in this neuro dept and get to learn more..
but rules are rules
2 weeks should be enough for an early exposure to this dept.
*crying inside*

and today before we leave the hospital..the head of dept told us.."please come back again one day...as a houseman or a specialist...u're more than welcome to come back to us"
k i'm really gonna cry now..

wish i had a better quality picture to keep for..but i dont. so yeah whatever..

❤ "favourite dept so far.." was Posted On: Friday, October 9, 2015 @6:38 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

now this is making me homesick like crayyyyzeeh

ever since i was a lil girl..

i had a dream so big i want to touch the clouds and eat it..

but the latter part seems impossible..i buried it deep down in the ground

still...i'm never afraid of having big dreams..

i believed that u should have dreams that scares u

dash what others want in life..instead, focus on yourself!

what u want..and what u love

coz that matters the most

well as for me..

i love being in the forest

i love seeing the trees fighting over for the sunlights

some win and stood up higher than others..

some lose but looks just as amazing

same goes with life i guess

u cant always win

but you cant let yourself lose all the time

nonetheless both are vital in making life more meaningful

although it sounds cliche'

i have to admit that it's true

the nature taught me a lot

yes, they're silent..

but somehow i feel connected to them

i dont know how and why

i guess thats what pocahontas taught me when i was a lil girl...

to appreciate the mother nature..

and always be grateful

to feel connected..

to love everything around you

anddd.. not to harm others

whenever i had a rough time

i always find myself in the forest

or at the beach

or just browsing thru my videos i always recorded everytime i get myself into these green world

its calming effect is priceless

not the typical feeling u had during shopping

i guess my endorphine level spikes up when i am in this piece of heaven

i love it..and yearn to explore more

for me life is beautiful if only we could just open our eyes a bit wider

look more on the bright sides

look more on what others dont see

surround yourself with positive vibes

not everyone is lucky enough to stay away from what can be parasitic to their life

i too..struggles with the same problem

but hey..the choice is always yours

it's your life anyway so rock it!

i may not be perfect as i'm nothing more than a tiny little creature

but i hope this wont stop me from having big dreams

my life is waiting for a change

it takes lots of times and efforts

but i guess great things do that..

ermm till then..

back to work.

xoxo

❤ "now this is making me homesick like crayyyyzeeh" was Posted On: Friday, October 2, 2015 @11:43 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

in a desperate need of motivations

dear self..

i've been in silent for quite sometime

not that i've nothing to write

i've tons, believe me

just that..

i've been giving a deep thoughts lately

lots of things going on in my mind

it's like a war that never seems to end

i always questioned myself, especially these past few weeks;

what do i want in life?

how do i be happy

how do i memorize all those things and store it back in my amygdala

cant life be easier?

etc...

etc..

the list would be endless

friend of mine once told me...

"waah..your life is pretty easy.

u got this u got that..i would've been so jealous of u"

but no!

i guess people just see it superficially and not from inside.

i may have a big smile..a huge laugh..a decent grades

but how about the pain?

and the struggle?

not forget to mention..the tears?

life isnt a piece of cake.

i always blame myself for not staying up late at night like i used to do back in my pre clinical years

i tend to blame myself for not knowing lots of things

for not memorizing the pathophysiology of diseases...the drugs..the side effects..how to manage the patients

and sometimes ( well most of the time) i questioned myself..." is this what i want in life?"

it has always been the dream of my life

to become a doctor..and treat my patients well.

it had never changed as i had never imagined myself not being one

but the pain...the struggles..the tears..the uphill battles

these is what destroying me...and my dreams

it smashed me down i feel like i'm having a lung collapse

but then again u see..not all are bitter.

on the brighter side..

i love the fact that patients have lots of things to tell u

i love it when the patients pray for my success

i love it when they give full co operation to your works

and kept thanking u for being there to listen

i love it when my lecturers appreciate what i do..although that would be once in a blue moon

i may not know everything

i may make lots of mistakes

i may be clumsy here and there

but hey...i pray that in whatever i do, i do it with my whole heart.

it's okay to be stupid sometimes...

it's okay to be scolded if that can guarantees a better future

it's okay...as long as i didnt repeat any of my mistakes

they always said that mistakes are the best teacher..i couldnt agree more.

as for now..

i pray that i always have every bits of my heart to keep my stronger day by day

the uphill battle is not gonna be easy..

but the destination..i guessed it'll be worth the fight

so here's to myself!

keep on struggling

keep on reading

put your heart and soul into it

i know the battle is bloody hard..but i promised the result would be worth the pain

dont give up

u always have your head held high

keep going!

❤ "in a desperate need of motivations" was Posted @11:39 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

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