in a desperate need of motivations
dear self..
i've been in silent for quite sometime
not that i've nothing to write
i've tons, believe me
just that..
i've been giving a deep thoughts lately
lots of things going on in my mind
it's like a war that never seems to end
i always questioned myself, especially these past few weeks;
what do i want in life?
how do i be happy
how do i memorize all those things and store it back in my amygdala
cant life be easier?
etc...
etc..
the list would be endless
friend of mine once told me...
"waah..your life is pretty easy.
u got this u got that..i would've been so jealous of u"
but no!
i guess people just see it superficially and not from inside.
i may have a big smile..a huge laugh..a decent grades
but how about the pain?
and the struggle?
not forget to mention..the tears?
life isnt a piece of cake.
i always blame myself for not staying up late at night like i used to do back in my pre clinical years
i tend to blame myself for not knowing lots of things
for not memorizing the pathophysiology of diseases...the drugs..the side effects..how to manage the patients
and sometimes ( well most of the time) i questioned myself..." is this what i want in life?"
it has always been the dream of my life
to become a doctor..and treat my patients well.
it had never changed as i had never imagined myself not being one
but the pain...the struggles..the tears..the uphill battles
these is what destroying me...and my dreams
it smashed me down i feel like i'm having a lung collapse
but then again u see..not all are bitter.
on the brighter side..
i love the fact that patients have lots of things to tell u
i love it when the patients pray for my success
i love it when they give full co operation to your works
and kept thanking u for being there to listen
i love it when my lecturers appreciate what i do..although that would be once in a blue moon
i may not know everything
i may make lots of mistakes
i may be clumsy here and there
but hey...i pray that in whatever i do, i do it with my whole heart.
it's okay to be stupid sometimes...
it's okay to be scolded if that can guarantees a better future
it's okay...as long as i didnt repeat any of my mistakes
they always said that mistakes are the best teacher..i couldnt agree more.
as for now..
i pray that i always have every bits of my heart to keep my stronger day by day
the uphill battle is not gonna be easy..
but the destination..i guessed it'll be worth the fight
so here's to myself!
keep on struggling
keep on reading
put your heart and soul into it
i know the battle is bloody hard..but i promised the result would be worth the pain
dont give up
u always have your head held high
keep going!
just a girl named mimie yahaya. i'm not good at describing myself...trust me. i can be a very antisocial person but i can be loud too, when i'm with the person i love. will turn 19 soon..and i wish i can always be mommy's little angel, daddy's little girl. i love bieber n 1D. that's all...
