Being a 4^th year medical student, i cant help but being grateful in all of the events happening in my life. It took a lot of courages and not to mention, sleepless nights especially for a chicken shit like me. Witnessing death daily is part of being me. I’ve seen many kinds of it. Death whilst asleep, death secondary to septic shock, death after an assault, maternal death of a woman who had just delivered her baby, infant death from a motor vehicle accident,  yada yada yada u just name it. Although the 3 months old baby case broke my heart, the most unforgettable one for me was the death of a robber from a gunshot by a team of police that occured last week. Although it was filled with excruciating pain witnessing the bullets being removed from the base of skull and the ribcage, I must admit that this case has taught me a lot about, LIFE. I have tons of things to write about it, but then again I’m afraid it might be medicolegal to tell the whole story so I’ll just cut it short. Seeing too many deaths (especially during my forensic attachment), I started convincing myself “ this is not the way I would want my life to end up with.”

But what choice do we have? We cant predict the future, neither can we run from what was written for us. Afterall, we’re just a powerless human being. And one thing that I hate is the fact that people simply judge without even know the story behind it. From the case I’ve mentioned before, I’m sure majority would’ve been mad at the deceased for being a robber and for owning a pistol and for shooting the polices. But little did they know how long it was since he had his last meal, and seeing his dilated intestine and how greyish his stomach content was, I can assumed that he’s been starving long enough and was shot to death in the state of hunger. Pretty sad huh? Well I’m not taking any sides or putting any blames, I’m neither on the police nor the deceased. But the point is, lets not simply judge people’s life.

Second thing I learnt was the way I want to be remembered when I’m gone for good, one fine day. this requires a lot of efforts and pratices but it’s alright, we’ll work on it. Life isn’t just about achieving your aims. It’s worth more than just that alone. It’s about balance, well even the Quran mentioned about it (or the hadis is it? I’m sorry, still working on my Islamic knowledge). I know my threshold sometimes get a lil bit down the line and I tend to get mad or disappointed or sad quite easily but with practice, InshaAllah we’ll make it better.

Third thing is, the need of being grateful with your family and friends. I just cant stress even more on how important this is. God..no words could explain the love i had for both of my parents. Even thinking about them could stimulates my lacrimal gland leaving me crying underneath my pillows. Sometimes I missed them so much I called them just to hear their voices. They’re just the priceless gift God has sent for me and not to mention, the reason why I cried like a baby. Although friends of mine would always always aaaallwaaayyss mention about their boyfriends, how romantic guys can be, the presents that they get yada yada yada and how I should start dating too and stop rejecting and how I should be worried since the prevalance of unmarried women is on the rise nowadays. Whoaaa wait up guys, I’m only 22 years young. Err it’s a soulmate kinda thing we’re talking about, okay? So mind you, i need to choose wisely. Plus, the love that I had for both of my parents are so strong I’ve yet to spare a vacancy for any guys to fit in. And talking about soulmate, do I need to be worried when the story of my life was written by the Greatest writer so be patient, the best is yet to come.

4^th thing is, the fact that I need to brush up my knowledge on Islam and be closer to Him because death, it can occur to anyone, anywhere and anytime. And frankly speaking, with this little knowledge of mine, i really am afraid thinking of the future of my Hereafter. So lets make full use of our time and  package ourselves beautifully and elegantly so that by the time we met our Creator, he’ll smile at us and perhaps saying “hey I remember u, girl with a golden heart”.

And I guess that’s all for today. Wow..i never knew I'm still capable of writing a long entry such this* pat myself on the back*