✿ a cup of love

tired of pretending

sometimes...i wish i could read minds, especially the boys

sometimes...i wish i could be true to myself..

sometimes.. i wish i could talk to boys like i talk to girls..

sometimes..i wish they could tell me what they feel about me..

sometimes.. i wish i could dissapear in the middle of the crowd

sometimes...i wish i know what the boys think of me..

sometimes...i wish i could stop being awkward in public..

sometimes..i wish i've the gut to spill out my words without being hesitate

sometimes...i wish i could spread my wings n fly away to overcome problems..

sometimes..i wish i could stop blaming myself for everything that went out wrong

sometimes..i wish i dont hate myself

sometimes..i wish i could avoid doing silly mistakes..

and most of the time, i wish i wouldnt have to grow up...

but come to think of it...what would life be if is it so perfect?

surely boring i guess..

hrmphhh...

friday come quick..

faster than the tears in my eyes..

heal my heart now..

as i'll be back to kelantan soon.

i cant endure it anymore..

not that i hate being here..

but i just miss them..soooooo damn much

Labels: 2nd sem, i miss home

❤ "tired of pretending" was Posted On: Monday, January 30, 2012 @7:30 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

me and u

i'll be strong even when the wind gets rough..

i wont cry when it rains..

i'll stand strong even when i feel like collapsing

i'll keep smiling..just as u told me to

i've promised u something..

and i'll make sure i'll deliver it..

trust in me..coz that's all i need

and it's u...

that makes me stronger every single day.

hearing your voice makes me release more endorphins..

for u..everything is possible.

no i'm not really sad..

well at least i'm feeling better now..

i've spend a month without u by my side..

even when my bones are cracking up..

my hands cant afford to write,

my legs feel numb,

your voice echoing in my head..

it never failed to cure my heart..

i shouldnt act like a baby..

but it's u...that makes me regret of growing up

and the needs to leave home.

hrmphh...

i dont need nobody else..

but u.

Labels: 2nd sem

❤ "me and u" was Posted On: Tuesday, January 24, 2012 @4:55 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

on growing up

1st test is on tomorrow's evening..and i still cant shut down my system for tonight.

i'm still energetic thanks to the high caffeinated coffee just now.

yes i'm already tired..but i cant sleep..

i just cant..it's somekind of insomnia.

if this is wut it takes for me to get to

-asasi dinner.

-chinese new year's holiday

-mlm kebudayaan palam

-hanging out with friends

-enjoy every bit of palam

-and other wonderful things ahead of me..

then i'm all set.

but thinking of what it might feel to leave palam soon..

the feelings are too complicated to be explained

yes i'm happy to be back home..but still, this will be the place i'll miss the most.

too many priceless memories had happened..

they were good..bad..evil..u name it.

above all..they built a new me..

and everytime i get tired of my routine..

i choose to read poems as my energy booster..

and this..would be the poem of the day

The Challenge
by: Jim Rohn

Let others lead small lives,
But not you.
Let others argue over small things,
But not you.
Let others cry over small hurts,
But not you.
Let others leave their future
In someone else's hands,
But not you.

Labels: 2nd sem, test

❤ "on growing up" was Posted On: Sunday, January 15, 2012 @3:11 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

too muchhh

hi tuesday..

it's my 1st day in palam..after a week of enjoyment.

now there's no more tv..no more loud music...no more sleeping all day long..no more daddy's n mommy's time...no! no! no!

there're just...lectures..tutorials...books..foods...and yeah...repeat the cycle.

well..bout the tv..the college did provide it..but i just, u know...i dont feel like watching it

i miss everything at home...ok better stop bout it.

now i feel like.....so strange!

yeah..strange for the fact that i'm wearing glasses n everyone's asking bout it.

strange since my body becomes more n more sluggish for i dont know why...but it's a GIANT SIN i tell u!

strange coz i'm starting to talk to my own self..

huuu..yeah. it's a fact!!

everytime i finished buying foods or whatever..

i end up talking to myself...

and i'm like..."hell what? stop talking to yourself will u?"

for some reasons i've yet to know...

hwaa..i just hate myself now..

but no worries..i'm not crazy..i'm not!!

hermm..other than that..

everything went smoothly..

it's been hot right here..compared to the winter season in kelantan.

yeah..oh yeah..i'll be back in 3more months.

uhhuu..sabar..sabar..sabarrrr!!

Labels: 2nd sem, uitm

❤ "too muchhh" was Posted On: Tuesday, January 3, 2012 @6:59 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

no one would want to marry me

my friends laugh when i said i cant cook..

come on!! is it really funny?

i know i'm already 18...and that i should at least know how to cook nasi goreng...or something simple but believe me...i cant.

not that i'm didnt try..but i failed all the time

even sausages taste weird when i'm the cooker.

the eggs turned black instead of yellow n white.

huuu...but i'm pretty good at instant noodles...wanna try? heeee

my sisters blame me for being hyperactive during my sleeping time..

i kick..i snore..i laugh..

but it's normal right, no?

well for me it issssss.....

my housemates say my room is a complete mess..

they cant imagine themselves living in there..

huu..is it really? (is it really, sonny...??? tetibe igt sonny with a chance)

fine then..i'll try to tidy them up.. (once in a month)

they also think that it's weird if i hold a broom or...let say that if i clean the toilet (which i never had..oppps)

huuuu...am i that lazy?

i mean..i can be a hardworking girl (if i want to..heeee)

apart from that...my friends are also curious about who'll be my future husband..

huuuu..why?

coz they said that i'm a shopaholic...and i eat a lot...and i spend lots of money...and i need money...more n more of it..

huuuu....the real thing is, u dont have to be worried..

i can work...i can make my own money

chill la my friends...

i wont burden my husband..

heee i wont...right?

if only people would know the real me..i'm positively sure that no one would marry me..

but it's fine...

Labels: 2nd sem, love

❤ "no one would want to marry me" was Posted On: Tuesday, December 20, 2011 @12:16 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

cant afford to smile

hello thursday and soon to be friday!

i got no class for today as it was cancelled.

i mean..what could've been better than that right?

hrmm..i thought i would be over the moon to hear about this news..

but i dont know...i'm just not in the mood of celebrating anything.

it was gloomy ..the weather n me.

nothing can makes me happy at this moment.

i wish i could find the way out..but i'm lost.

i want to be happy...but i dont know how.

when my friends laugh..i can only afford to smile

when they make jokes...i'm struggling to give responds

i just feel like lying on the bed all day long..

and stop thinking of my responsibilities for a sec..

it's not that i hate my life..i love it, i do.

but sometimes...i just wish i could find a break.

i'm craving for a fresh air..especially home.

and lately i cant even give my best performance which i'm pretty upset with it.

last tuesday was my speaking practice during BEL

i wasnt well-prepared..n i spoke based on the script.

i know i hurt the lecturer so my group n i asked for forgiveness from him since he's a very..very nice person. i'm pretty positive that he didnt even know how to get mad at others.

god bless him.

and as for yesterday..i was called to give an explaination during the biology class.

i've to say that i'm a bit mad at myself.

i did prepared the night before..but when the day came, i was nothing but a loser.

i should do better than that!!!

urghh..

i need my strength back..

i want to be my own saviour like i used to..

i know i need to smile a lot..

it's the best cure..

but i just dont feel like smiling now.

the truth is..i'm desperately need my family now...

i'm nothing without them..

half of me is dead..the other is barely able to breathe..

but i need to hold on..it would take a week to see them again.

i dont care if my friends would say i'm such a baby..

coz they're not me!

i'm not tough enough..

Labels: 2nd sem, sadness, under the weather..

❤ "cant afford to smile" was Posted On: Thursday, December 15, 2011 @3:37 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

kiss me and smile for me

it's friday...finally.

i had a major hard time finishing lectures today coz my head cant stop thinking of bed...and break..and freedom...and year end sale..and food..and cakes...plus chocolates n the list goes endlessly.

here i am now...relaxing in the room..alone.. since my roomate doesnt come home yet.

and i'm having 3days of holiday which i'm pretty sure i'll be enjoying them to the max...(i hate the fact that i've to finish those tutorials n lab reports)

oh yerp..speaking of lab reports, did u know one of my groupmates loves to dominate the whole experiment thing..

pretty much annoying right?

who does he thinks he is?

taking my test tubes while i'm working on it...

grabing my solution while i'm pouring it down into a beaker..

shake the test tube i'm shaking..

urghhh...i feel like slapping him..or giving him a flying kicks!

ok..that's too much! but seriously dude,

i want to do it too!

i want to learn too!

i want to be an expert too!

i've to make the lab reports too!

i've to understand the whole concept too!!

urghhhh!!!

even if he's a man..it doesnt mean he should take control of the whole thing!

doesnt he knows any words spelled "TOLERATING"?

did he expects me to sit on the chair..acting like an idiot who got no works to do while put on a lab coat and witnessing him doing everything?

did he thinks he's great enough to dominate the experiment?

oohh..shit!

i mean..seriously- u've to tolerate man!

let's be fair n square!

i wasnt really mad at him..

but i was a bit angry by his attitude..

he might not realise this thing..

he might thinks that i'll be pleasure to have him taking over my works..

he might tries to show that men can help women..

he might not want me to think that he's not there to help me..

but i desperately want him to know that..

NO! i dont need u to take over my works. i can handle it on my own..

I WANT TO LEARN TOO!!!

with all this crazy things happening around me..

i just feel like i want to go home..

i want to be by my mother's side..

i want to tell her the whole thing..

i want her to give me a hug and tell me to be strong..

coz i am really...really fragile now.

i break down over things i shouldnt..

i get upset when i'm not reaching my expectations.

i'm more vulnerable n no longer a saviour.

Labels: 2nd sem, sadness, uitm

❤ "kiss me and smile for me" was Posted On: Friday, December 9, 2011 @1:34 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

bed is ready..pillow is calling..n i'm all set.

well..it's just that

i found out that there'll be another 2 weeks ++ for me to get home.
i find it awkward to get along with my new lab partner. he's doing it quite well..but it might take some time for me to work with him. hrmphhhh...if only i didnt lost the one from last semester.
i'm starting to sleep during lecture quite often now-i guess i should learn how to sleep early.. or at least sleep late bcoz of studying not online-ing.
i was a bit upset since no one wants to accompany me for the charity run this sunday at tasik titiwangsa. cant they see the point? i mean, not only do we can do charity for palestinian..but we can also check out some cute guys from other colleges..urgghhh, i just dont get their view towards it. and..yerp, just blame me for being so annoying.
i had thrown a scum on my face just now...herghhh!!! well the thing is, i smiled at my friend while waving at her..but there was one guy who accidently thought that he was the one i'm aiming for. ohh shit!
my life's getting complicated- i feel bad for hurting someone else's heart n i want to smile at him n stop avoiding him, but at the same time...i just find out that my friend had a crush on him...urghhhh, why me??!! why should i get involved in this thing??!!!
i feel bad for myself - i dont have the guts to ask people to pay their debt. so i guess i should keep calm n carry on.
i feel like...i want to go home! my immune system is starting to collapse.

Labels: 2nd sem

❤ "bed is ready..pillow is calling..n i'm all set." was Posted On: Monday, December 5, 2011 @7:21 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

just breathe

it has been 2weeks now...

and i'm still struggling for some air to survive..

it's not that bad actually..but i dont know,

i just missed home more n more..

i've already bought the ticket for home..

and i've to keep myself busy all day coz if i'm not..hrmpphh. i'll be in tears.

and the question is...when will i grow up?

i should set a barrier...

i should be my own saviour..

i should not be weak anymore..

i should find some fun..well i did. but it seemed inadequate.

i should laugh a lot...smile a lot..

and give respond when people tell me jokes...

i used to be the favourite girl...

i used to laugh out loud..

and i can be..again.

now let's try another topic shall we..

ermm..there'll be some charity run next week which i'm pretty positive i'll be joining in..

well..just making sure i'll get myself busy since there'll be 3days of holiday next week..

and i think i should go out more often to get some different air.

it'll be nice to switch the environment once in a while right?

but then..i still got one day off..which will definitely be very boring i assume..

but never mind..

i should make it as a homework day.

till then..wish me luck.

i'm moving for good...

and i know i should speed up my game.

i shouldnt procrastinate my homework anymore.

i should learn my lessons..

hrmm..

till then..good day

Labels: 2nd sem

❤ "just breathe" was Posted On: Sunday, December 4, 2011 @3:34 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

tuessssdaayyyy

u know what?

i should stop myself from getting lost in college...

urghh..it's quite embarrasing!

and today...it was no exception.

i got lost..1st thing in the morning.

i'm pretty sure i've well read the timetable but..urghh!

then i got lost again at the evening..with my friend..

poor her, being lost after following me.

well..we supposed to be at dkf10 but i said it was at dkk10..

and when we entered the hall..."hey...this is aint our place!"

oh shoooottttt...!

i should know how to stop it!!

and i also should stop myself from eating so many things.

i got dozens of foods as storage n i always find myself eating something while doing jobs...

(yeah..i'm eating now)

urghh..i should reduce my weight.

and apart from that..

i think my college's life has started..

the tutorials...coursework...bla bla bla....urgh!

i know i should reduce my internet time..

and that i should upgrade my study qualities..

but....but maybe later, ok?

ehehee....

Labels: 2nd sem

❤ "tuessssdaayyyy" was Posted On: Tuesday, November 29, 2011 @8:52 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

eco fabulous

hello mooonnday!

it has been a great public holiday to me..

no classes...no lectures..

hehe..me gusta!!

so today..

there has been no shopping..

no movies...

no sleeping..

and no no no!!

but no worries..i'm not bored (at least not yet)

my housemates n i went to the lake n enjoy the green..

it's all about the wild..

we decided to inhale some different air..

the one which is fresher..greener..wilder...and sweeter maybe?

hrmmm..i'm not really good at expressing the view

but the truth is...it was great!

i've been there before..to shoot for some scene required in biology's presentation

and i knew i would miss the place sooner or later..

and here i am today...at the same place...with the same shirt

oh god..why am i wearing the same shirt!??

urghh..

nevermind...no one would notice it. (yeah right)

and yes...it's fogging here in puncak alam

the air is very fresh n u'll be falling inlove at first sight...

and these are the pictures during my 1st time being there..

with my classmates of course..

it's located just behind the campus..

but i'm being too lazy to be there..teheee!

till then..annyeong!

Labels: 2nd sem, holiday, uitm

❤ "eco fabulous" was Posted On: Monday, November 28, 2011 @9:26 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

urghh...

it's thursday right?

and everyone is heading for classes while mine..is none!

yup..all of them are cancelled. (there.re just 2 actually)

this is definitely not a life of an asasian right?

so i guess i'll be doing nothing right now except for updating my blog.

it's fun doing nothing at home but when u've to apply it at college..

herm...it's not a good thing.

i feel as if i'm living in a jail while witnessing the construction sites and the jungle next to my university.

it's boring u know?!!

i did tried everything i can..

listening to the music..

it was fun...at first

then came one moment when i realised they're all love songs..

urghhh..

it's sad to think of it.

my life is complicated!!

i want to be inlove but at the same time...i refused.

fine..let's make a conclusion

if i want to score for this semester...i shouldnt be inlove!

and BEL shouldnt become the stupid reason that ruins my result anymore, ok?!

enough with music thing

then..it leads me to take some crazy pictures of myself..

i snap..then delete them..

and keep repeating the same thing until i get tired.

but it's only 9.17am!!

huaaaaa....

after that.. i decided to dance n dance n dance coz no one is watching...

then look in the mirror..

and dance in front of it..

urghhh...it was crazy...

no fun at all!

and when i looked at the clock...it was 9.35am

i mean wut??

i thought i was dancing for an hour..!!

gahhhh....this is surely driving me crazy!

and since it's 9.51am now,

i think i better take my shower..n get ready for a hangout..

ohhh...thank god my friend would accompany me to go to sunway...

coz if she didnt..i'm definitely going to jump off the building..seriously!!

ok..bye now blog!

see ya tonight!

Labels: 2nd sem, boring, breaking dawn

❤ "urghh..." was Posted On: Thursday, November 24, 2011 @9:34 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

take my breath away

today's classes started at 4.30 pm

great huh?

but they ended at 7.20pm

agak shit lah

and i've to go to angsana hall at 9.30 for some boring meeting

hermm..

but for now,

and i have no idea of what to do

sgt boring~~~

tido?

basuh kain?

kemas bilik?

try bju?

urghh..boring!

and i've watched part 1 of breaking dawn just now..it was so cool

their wedding was perfect!

i'm inlove with bella's wedding dress..

aaaaa......in loveee!!!

i cant wait to watch the whole thing

the only thing that can elevate my mood right now is...breaking dawn.

yup.. seriously!

and i've read this TUMBLR which makes my heart craving for more.

hrmmm..

it'll be great if edward really exists here in palam kan?

sadly he's not!

Labels: 2nd sem, breaking dawn

❤ "take my breath away" was Posted On: Wednesday, November 23, 2011 @11:59 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

breathless

it's the second day...but who cares right?

well..i did.

and it still is...boring.

but it's getting better now.

i can laugh...i can smile..i can start a conversation...i didnt miss my family as badly as yesterday..

see..told ya! i just need a week.

and it hasnt been a week yet...but i'm slowly curing my heart..

i went to ctu class this morning..and the lecturer wasnt there

hrmm..was it a good thing or else?

well..it was good since we dont have to learn..yet

but it was so bad that i got lost this morning

the class supposed to be blk tec 10 n i went to blk tec 16..

hurghhh...it wasnt a good start though.

and after an hour...here i am, in the room watching some movies.

ALONE..uhhu

luckily suzreen would be with me eating lunch after this..

owhh...

i missed watching cartoons with syahir

i missed playing badminton with irah

i missed all my moments at home..

urghhh..shit lah

no..i'm a big girl now

i dont cry!

Labels: 2nd sem, sadness, uitm

❤ "breathless" was Posted On: Tuesday, November 22, 2011 @11:25 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

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