it's time!
for me to say goodbye for this house..it's time.

thank u for those spectacular two months u've given to me.
those smile...laugh..and happiness, there're all mine

and i shall go now.
but i'm quite reluctant somehow.

i've to activate these neurons that i left for 2months, but how?
well i shall figure it out by now.

5 weeks isnt that long..
after all this is what i want.

ok..it's time to pack..
sure there'll be lots of bags.

uhhhuuuuuuu

i should learn how to stop being so clumsy.
urghhh..since when did this thing hit on me?

the other day when i supposed to pay the credit card for my father..i entered the wrong num.
and so the money got rejected by the bank.
so my father nagged on me.

and the next 2 or 3 days..i entered the wrong pin num (again!!) for my mother's account!
the hell mannnn...!
i was so lucky that the atm didnt swallow the card.


and that's not the end of it..
last night when i was in the mood of updating my 2nd phase of upu..
i, again, being dumbfounded for entering the wrong password.
yeah..password!
i dont know the hell is wrong with me that i cant even notice the "password"
and so this clumsy girl entered the pin number instead of her so-called-secret-password.

mannnnn...i nearly had a heart attack thinking of my future might be gone if the upu had lost my documents.
same thing happened to both of my parents.
they're like "there goes your future!!!"

ahhhhhhhhh....
how..why...where did this thing come?
shoooooo u away clumsy little thing!

i'm bored..
i'm scared..
i want to cry..
i'm still hoping..and i  wont stop.

even if i wasnt listed..i wont be mad.
i already got what i want.
but...another 4-flat girl didnt called out by the faculty.
will i be in the same situation as hers?

i've tried my best.
i already got what i want.
but...this time, it's about luck.
how i wish i'm the lucky one..

i'm powerless...but all i have now is Doa.
i'm curious...so pathethic, i know.
truth is..i'm the curious girl but i'm coward.
i've decided not to call them..
wouldnt it be...lack of patience maybe?

the hell mannn...
hermmm...out of the 160 students chosen by them..can i please be one of them?
can i?
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......i wish the answer is yes.
i want it...so badly!!

it's my lifetime dream..
 please make me smile..please?

Labels: pre med

sometimes i wish for things that i dont even need one..
because i forgot those people who are struggling to get their needs.

sometimes i become greed and end up wasting all the food,
because i've no idea that there're some people out there who crave for a bowl of rice.

sometimes i dont even remember to thank to God for giving me this life..
because i dont know how to be grateful..i was blinded by the things around me
but today..i saw this old man..with his old motorcycle..wearing a pair of worn-out shoes..
they used to be white..but now they're greyish..and full of dirt.

and when i looked at his shirt..oh my
it can make u cry...jeongmal.
same goes to his backpack n his pants.

and there he is..riding his old..loyal bike beside my car.
all i can do i stare..and stare..and keep staring at him.

oh mannnn...

tahu tak tadi i almost hit the car next to me..masa tu nk bgi signal masuk kiri.
kesian my jantung hati..mesti penat pump in and out blood.
it was like an adrenaline rush just now..xperlu nk buat bungee jumping pon to get the experience.
and i took the whole road in order to reverse the car...but i was very fortunate that the road is kosong time tu.
terima kasih Allah for giving me this opportunity to still breathing.

tahu tak tadi the whole member inside the car next to me stared at me smpai  terjengkil butir mata.
aku dahlaa tgh nervous driving at the peak hour..

and there was this old lady pandanggg je aku kluar parking as if i'm an alien.
dahla senyum sinis time aku reverse..
tau la aku xpandai, baru belajar..tpi kau tu duduk sit belakang.
so kau duk diam diam sudah..aku hit kereta kau baru tau!

huuu..so that was my driving experience just now..
balik balik terus update blog sementara jantung masih berdegup kencang.
sumpah i'm not a good driver.


but  kaklong knows how to say nice things..
love her for the fact that she always thinks positively.

she said to me just now that everybody starts with zero including her..my mother..my father..everybody!
so there's nothing to be embarrased about.
she also added that people who know how to drive wont laugh at the newcomers because they knew how hard it was being the baby on the road.

huuu...ni nk nangis nih..at least, there's someone who appreciate things that i did, though it didnt went well.
so thank you my dragonlady..
u might seem a hot-tempered person but then...u got this motherly behaviour that i'm so jealous about.
muah muah muahhh..


so nampaknye xdapet la nk keluar esok with my girlfriends..
uhhuuuu...i still need lots of practise..
i promise nnti bilo mimi dh okay bwk keto kito kluar date yeahh farah omar n nur hamizah..
eheeeeeeeeeee...

Labels: driving

pagi tadi kannn..i drove up to the town for the first time.

i want to grab the phone..press the number and call the faculty.
but my hands are numb..as if they were paralysed.
i got my mouth trembling and my larynx unable to function like usual.
my knees turned to jelly and i'm sweating like a pig.

what if i'm not the chosen one?
what if..?
will i accept the fact?
am i tough enough?
what if..?
because i didnt put uitm as my first choice.
because i chose UM to be at the top of the list
because i dont know which to choose.

i'm not tough..
i dont have the guts to call and ask them
i need my mama to be beside me..to tell me what to do.
to speak to them if i'm too scared to ask.
i find myself very dependable on her..
and it's not healthy at all!

maybe i should wait.
wait for their call..
or maybe wait for mama to come home.
yeah maybe i should.
after all..i always be the girl who waits.

Labels: pre med

i watched this scene this morning in MHI and for some reason i've yet to figure out...i find it interesting.

haha..i never enjoy watching dikir barat before..but this video, it's different lahh

i know i'm not a football maniac neither do i talk football languange.

but for someone who's a dummy in football..that doesnt mean i cant talk about it..FOOTBALL!

i love watching the red warrior shirts hanging in the shops..

it's a very nice view though

sadly i dont have one...i might consider of buying one and wear it as pyjamas
the elders and youngsters look happy putting on those shirts..
even the girls wear the shirt to the mall..

but really...i want to have the experience of attending the football match..

taking lots of pictures..and scream my lungs out.

it must be fun!

make it happen one day..perhaps.

majulah sukan untuk negara..hyeah!
wow..unbelieveable of me talking about football? believe it..and, i'm posting it.

aku buta untuk melihat kebahagiaan di sekelilingku.
pekak untuk mendengar keriangan mahupun tangisan kegembiraan yang berlaku.
aku terlalu pentingkan diri sendiri, tidak tahu bersyukur and selalu alpa.
aku mahu bangkit dan tidak jatuh lagi
mahu menangis, menyesal sekuat hati
mahu jadi gembira, mahu cari ketenangan.

biar hati merana, jangan cita berkecai
biar hidup seperti robot, jangan mati menjadi papa
aku mahu bergerak ke depan tanpa menoleh belakang.
andai aku jatuh lagi, akan ku bangkit berdiri semula

tomorrow is the teacher's day right? 16th May
and frankly speaking, i'm not a good student
i talk bad about my own teacher whom i dont adore
i sleep in class...and still do.
i never get my homework finish right on time..and even if i do..maybe because the topic is interesting.
and yes...i always be the last girl arriving school.
i'm kind of the least favourite student...in terms of discipline lah

and until now..there's still one teacher, who teach me how to put on my revenge.
well i'm not being rude but..here's my story.

imagine being the 12years old girl (ME!)..being slapped twice in a row, in front of 45 girls..because of one reason..a stupid reason.
i forgot i had a homework..the one she gave from the previous class.

being the clumsy girl as i always do...i was stunned by her action.
my cheek...it wasnt really hurt. but my heart did..
the scene was like a nightmare to me which i was struggling to wake up.
and it still does..a nightmare just by thinking of it.
so teacher Farhana Lee...thanks for the slaps.
it makes me grow stronger.
u might underestimated me at that time..i wont blame u for it.
well i was, after all..the little girl that annoys you.
but then again..her action is quite too much...it's not like i've involved myself in some criminals

but one thing for sure..i love all my teachers.
thanks to them..for giving me the opportunity to learn new things.
to discover my interest..to score in exam..
to appreciate things around me..

my point is..not all teachers are bad.
even if they are...maybe it's because they're having PMS..a fight with their spouse..or financial problem...stress with their works..etc etc.
but their aim is the same...~to build a better generation~
and hereby..i'd like to wish all the teachers..
HAPPY TEACHERS DAY..and lecturers too!

Labels: teachers day

dont tell me to change..coz i just want to be myself.
i'm imperfect....it's what i am..and will forever be.
i'm not tough..neither do i'm made of steel.
i do get hurt easily...but u're blind enough not to see this invisible tears.
sure u are..but i wont blame u.

and yes..i'm the coward girl
i've been enduring too much..and i'll always be.
i guess i should stop thinking bout it..
finding love isnt my priority after all..

Still I Rise

if i'm about to take bp test today...my chances of getting high bp is  positive.
i'm confused..i refused...and i'm so sluggish.
i'm worried of my future..
will i be tough?
will i be the chosen one?
will i endure the pain?

i want to be like peter pan...i want to stay young forever TOO!
urghhhhhhh...
it'll definitely be better if mama is at home..
but she's not.
and here i am..struggling on my own.

i'm hurt..
i was hurt..
and i'm so fragile..yes i am.

life is unfair..is it?
maybe not..maybe i wasnt good enough..
maybe i should be more grateful with what i have now..

regretting is the last thing in my list.
no i wont regret..
if this is what people call fate..then i've nothing more to say.
He knows the best.

i got everything that i wish for..except for one.
and now that i might have the chance to do so..why do i find myself struggling with my own feeling?
or maybe i should try my luck..it's not a sin anyway.
people told me to grab any opportunities ahead of me
yup..maybe i should try it.
after all..it's my dream that i should live for.

so today i decided to stay at home instead of picking up irah n syahir coz i do hate traffic jam ..especially when there're few people who jump the queue..
and i might consider of buying the novels if i found one..

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