It was at dawn.
It was freaking tiring i felt like dying along the journey.
It feels as if i'm climbing the hill of my life.
It was a breath taking view when u reached the top.
It was...priceless.
What a weekend getaway last week.

And as for this weekend..
Lets just hope i'll make full use of it revising for the exam.
What a high hope right there...
We'll see if it works...

First, dont wear glasses..ever!
Second, dont keep your messy hair.
Third, dont be intelligent.
Fourth, dont smile!
Fifth, dont be a gentleman..

And finally...i can be in peace!
Damn it...what did i just wrote?
Derghhh....

Dear self...stop fooling around.
U'll get hurt at the end of the day...
Focus...focus..,focusss, and just that!
Finish what u've started will u?!!!

Takut, sebenarnya.

Takut tengok org lain pergi library.
Takut tgk roomate and housemates study.
Takut tgk org bace buku.
Takut tgk org lain tak tido during lectures.
Takut tgk org lain tak online sgt.
Takut tgk semua org seems so serious and so energetic.
Takut sbb i'm still fooling around.
Takut sbb i still have the guts to sleep soundly everytime i have the chance.
Takut sbb semua org dah takut with the professional exam.
Takut sbb sometimes i feel like i know nothing.
Takut sbb i just realised how big my responsible is.

Dear self...
Be fully motivated.
Be highly caffeinated.
Be sincere and be tough.
Be intelligent and be competitive.
Be the girl u've always dreamed of.
Be the one who can make your parents proud.
It's a tough life.
Nobody promised it was easy.
I miss maaa and abah, especially now...
Erghh...2more weeks u weak ladyyehhh..

It is not 12am yet
It is not 22nd May yet
I know i know...
But my heart can no longer waits for it.
And what more do u expect from an impatient+clingy+homesicked daughter?

Ok just cut off all the craps..
The reason i'm updating my blog in the middle of my crazily packed schedule is to throw a birthday wish to the most beautiful person ever exists in my life and never shall be compared to any other people, who would always lend her time, her ears listening to all the craps i'm talking, for giving all the priceless advices and be part of my life.
Now that u're a year older..i want u to know, and i'm sure u've already knew this teeheeeee, my love for u keeps on growing wider, wider and wider, but never shall be burst out.
I love u and your big heart and your big smile and your big laughs and everything in u.
Less than 3 weeks from now..i'll be by your side, safe n sound.
Thanks Maa...for just, everything.
When they said no one is perfect...i disagreed.
Coz u're the kind of perfect to me.
I know it's a longgggg a to go but i'll make u proud of me one day Maa.
InshaAllah.






Having a teary eyes at 12 midnight isnt fun at all urghhhh....

Here comes one of the most uninviting events of my life...
Sleep disturbance!
Seriously....why did u came at this time?
Urghh...

Okay.
It's normal.
I get that.
Professional exam is not that far.
Hence...my brain decided to have a weird sleep cycles and not to secrete a normal amount of melatonin.
So i ended up becoming a zombie...
Bravo...just, bravo.
U can call me Mimi Cullens if u want to coz ya knowww....the Cullens dont sleep yaww but they still look cool.
Therefore...i'm assuming myself as a cool person yeah?!
Heckk...

Sebenarnya esok sy ade medic olympiad intervarsity.
Dan...sy sgt stress skrg sbb tu sy tulis mcm ni.
This is totally not myself, i know i know.

Tp sbb tadi dah progress test for reproductive module and smlm plus pagi tdi dah jadi zombie preparing for the test, menghabiskan baca 34 lecture notes yg byk nk mampus satu satu tuuu in less than 24hours...tambah pulak dgn sleep deprivation plus esok xleh kluar hangout coz there goes my weekend....kena menghambakan diri for the olympiad thing, kepala dah rase nk pecah sbb kena study blk the modules during our 1st year of medschool. Jadi sekarang satu benda je saya doakan....jgnlah dapat panic attack, or mental haywire, or just anything yang tak elok utk myself. Sbb mmg sy xnak semua bnda tu, nauzubillah. Dan mlm ni mmg rase dah x boleh study sgt dah. I tried to force myself tp maybe it takes time, hence that explains why i'm blogging right now. I feel like crying right now...or maybe screaming...or maybe just sleeping but i just cant. Kalaula dpt baring atas katil, but it wont be sekejap sbb sy mmg xreti tido kejap. Hence...2 cups of white coffee will be my teman sejati. I know it's bad for the health but thats life kan. Mahatma Ghandi dah pernah sebut psal these things, it's a good quote tpi malas nk cari blk. And the problem right now is....otak xnak digest lgi all those facts, memorization nd etc. Tp kalau paksa2 pon ilmu xnak masuk whats the point?! But then, usaha kena tetap usaha i know that very well and my mother always...always tells me that if u dont fight for what u want, nobody else can help u, they can just tgk how miserable your life is and at the end of the day, kita jugak yang sengsara, so i guess thats what keeping me strong and motivates me to continue my fight.
I guess thats all for now. My brain dah ok sikit. I think i can start what i needed to start.
So...yeah. Semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan for tomorrow.

There, I Still Will Be.

-unknown.

I gave you the sun,
But u wanted the moon,
When i gave u the moon,
U wanted the stars,
So i reached blindly,
For the most infinite stars,
And wrapped myself,
Around each one of them,
Just for u.
The stars, the moon and the sun combined,
Werent enough for your fickle heart.
So i took my tears,
And made you a sea.
So u can sail the earth
And find the impossible treasure,
U constantly seek.
Yet every morning my sun will be there to wake u,
Every night,
My moon will be there to calm you.
And if you ever need me,
Look amongst the stars,
Wrapped in each one of them,
There, i still will be.

As they always said..
"U never know how strong u are when being strong is the only choice u have."
And this week...is a total madness.
And this quote means a lottt to me, it's one of those thing that keeps me strong ya know.

Last night was the final olympiad session.
And i only managed to get be the 1st runner up. ( told ya! Our opponents are wayyyy powerful than Lord Voldermort!)
But whatevs...menang kalah adat permainan.
The experience was priceless.
Having to speak in front of the dean, deputy dean, prof and lecturers, plus a hall filled with students and the moment u opened your mouth zaaapppp, all eyes on u.
Scrutinizing, judging, focusing on whatever crap u talked...giving marks, giving comments, talked on your back or maybe amazed by the explaination that u gave, which i dont think is applicable to me.
So lets just agree..the praising, jaw dropped part was always on the Voldermorts team aka Glioblastoma Multiforme (heckk...i wonder what would it be if their team is called invasive breast carcinoma, hrmppphh interesting!)

So enougb of olympiad thing. Now move on to the next suicidal part.
Tomorrow's debate on stem cell.
And guess who's one of the debators?
Yupp,,,u're wrong! I'm no longer the audience this time around...instead  i'll be embarassing myself again tomorrow's morning.
Life is wonderful yeahh!

And friday will be our reproductive module's test which i've prepared none so far.
What a good way to go girlll!!! Pfttt..

And lastly on the saturday..the most extreme suicide of all.
The intervarsity medic olympiad...
Us against the um, ukm, imu, usim medic students battling, squeezing every bits of neurons but making sure our brain wont atrophied.
So yeah...
Thats all for today.
Excuse me, but i think imma have to continue digging my graveyard.
So yeah...goodluck dearself!



Uhuk...i miss home, especially now!

Hi stressful saturday.

Soooo, my team...was selected to be among the 2 teams battling against each other for the final olympiad session this monday.
It was....totally absurb+miracle+unbelievable+magical thing that my mind still cant really digest.
It was a total miracle for this hakuna matata team which constis of 4 playful little girls who laugh all the time, go out n shop till drop every weekend, never take study a serious thing, and all the things that shall make a disqualification of a medical student.

But as they always said....we can never change the fate.
And we decided to believe in Him and what He had put us into.
But it was a tough battle from the beginning, this medic olympiad thing.
And  now....having to fight against the geniuses of our batch ( who dont really sleeps, and dont really laugh like a mad man, who dont speak alien's language and dont really know how to be crazy)
So yeah...it'll  be one of my scariest memory in life.
It's like harry potter against the voldermort.
Duhhh...obviously our opponents is the voldermort.

And last night...
One of the geniuses uploaded a picture in her insta account and wrote... 'this is war!' that had turned my knee into jelly, leaving me with the greatest nightmare during my sleep.
Yeahh....they're those pretty creepy people!



Nevertheless...we, the 4 clown girls will try our very best
Sacrifices our eyes and become a panda
Sacrifices our sleeps
Sacrifices our shopping time
Read the notes till we vomit
And keep holding on no matter what.



May He ease everything for us this monday evening.
May the odds be ever in our favour, ameen.

1. It was the medic olympiad thing today which i dont really know why i signed up myself for it...but overall, it was better than what i expected. Priceless moment..me no regret allll...

2. I went for the kuliah bulanan just now, a talk about Dajjal and the things that would...or might be happening, the signs of ya knoww, apocalypse. It was...yeah, scary but..totally worth my 3hours.

3. I'm not a good tea maker...seriously! It was just a green tea where u just have to pour down the hot water and thats it...drink it with all your heart content ( although green tea didnt taste as good as any other tea). So today, i added lemon into the cup containing the teabag, pour down the boiling water anddd...wallahhh! It was a disastrous taste!! Damn u....lemon should be added at least 2 minutes after u make the tea..u brilliant lady. What an epic fail!

4. Tomorrow's case presentation is from the emergency department so ya knowww..the doctors in that department is quite good looking and i'm in a dilemma whether to attend the session or not. But i good tons of works to be done. But i like the emergency doctors. But i....ok maybe i'm not going. Or maybe i'll go. Ok shit whatever.

5. Ok get your works done!

When i'm about to give up...she told me to hold on.

When i said i'm tired...she told me to get some rest.

When i said my brain just cant digest the knowlegde anymore...she told me to never stop  zikr and taught me this Dua that i still practice until now.

When i complained of my place and how hot it can be.....she told me to take a shower and to be patient.

When i said i'm sleepy but still got lotsa things to do...she told me to take some nap.

When i'm freak out...she told me everything's gonna be fine.

When i'm happy...she's the first person i want to share my moment with.

When i'm sad....her voice is my antidote.

When i'm scared...she'll be the saviour.

Whenever i am...whatever i'll be...she's my everything.



And tonight...while doing the chores, i said...

"Maaa...mimi blk pulok lagi 4minggu"
"Owhh..kjap jh 4 minggu tu, xsempat nk homesick2 laa..", she said.
Then abah replied "takde sape tanye ponnnnnnnn."
Comelllllll laaahhh abah niii...cubit kanggg!! Herghhh!!
Anywayy...i love him too although he can be annoying sometimes..
Herghh herghh..

How can the semester break be soooo shorttttt?!
This is sooo unfairrrr, i'm gonna voice out my dissatisfactory!
Errr ok maybe not.

Tonight.
Is the dinner night for our fac.
But i missed it.
And i dont even regret it.

Mannn...seriously??!!
Dinner during the mid sem break?!
Heckk..there's no way i'm attending it.
I even skip my monday classes just to spend more time with my family.
So yeahhh...i dont even regret it.



And i'm sorry.
I really am.
I did planned to call my friends and ask them to hangout together.
I did planned to reply allllll the whatsapps and the messages.
I did planned to spend more time doing fun things...with friends.
I did...i did.
But i guess i planned too much that it just didnt work.
And i ended up falling asleep late at night.
Wake up not so early in the morning.
Go out n buy some stuffs for raya.
And havent really prepared for olympiad.
I need more timeeeeeee!!!
Mannn....monday, come slowly please!


I still got lotsa things to catch up, to fool around...and to read some.
Mannn...mannnnn...
Can i just graduate now?!

U said u're soooo going to study at home.
U said your days are going to be productive.
U said this
U said that.

And u know what?!
U lied.
And u lied.
And u just keep lying to yourself.

Ok thats it.
Prekkkkkk. Pot.
Im outta here

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