Studying pharmacology can sometimes drives me banana.
So lets just take a 5mins break.

These past few days...i'm kind of in my gloomy mode, faking my smiles n laughter.
Trying to gather everything together all at once..
Making sure i look tough n normal when deep inside i was torn apart.

Well truth is...sadness  isnt always bad.
Yes it hurts u so much...so deep it scratches your heart that u hardly breathe
And we ended up crying coz it feels so good right after yet the problem remained unsolved.
but truth is..it brought us near to the Almighty.

My recent semester break was quite a roller coaster
Abah's health condition wasnt really good at that moment yet he was reluctant to see the doctor.
And with rains n cold weather..he experienced shortness of breath, intermittent fever and fatigue.
It broke my heart everytime i see him struggling to breathe..even his skin looked pale and he became thinner.

He slept n rested all day long.
And he kept on feeling nauseated, loss of appetites n loss of weight and from that moment i knew his kidneys are getting bad.

And last friday, he was admitted to the hospital.
He undergone peritoneal dialysis, lungs are found to be infected, and apart from that, was found to be anemic due to internal bleeding.

My heart stopped the moment my mother asked me the prognosis of end stage renal failure.
Truth is...i dont know.
And even if i know..i still hardly accept the truth.
All i could do i pray n pray n keep on praying.
Coz we can only plan,  He the Almighty has the power to decide.

And this evening he was discharged from the ward, Alhamdulillah.
Gained back his appetite..and is in pink.
Even though he'll be getting daily PD from now on..it's alright if thats the best for him.

I just want to go home now
I wanna see him..and maaa.
I wanna tell them not to feel guilty about me not enjoying my break last week.
I hate it everytime they feel sorry for burdening me to take care of irah n syahir and that they unable to take me jalan2 during my break.
I dont want to jalan jalan.
I dont need to eat all of her srumptious dishes that she planned to cook for me.
I dont care if i didnt have the chance to take a good rest in my bed.
As long as i'm near to them..everything is priceless.
Nothing else matters most apart from they being healthy and able to love me infinitely.
Oh God.

And i remembered a doctor once told me that sickness isnt always bad.
Look on the bright side,,,Allah actually choose certain people tested with certain disease for it 'll lead him to these three things.
1. So that we remember our Creator, the Almighty.
2. To clear up the sins we commited in the past.
3. To test our patience and bring us close to our creator.

Till then

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