i was having an ECE class this evening when one message was being delivered to me saying that we're going to have a mentor mentee meeting right at that moment.
then there was like a blood rush to my brain.
i knew what's it gonna be about and i know this isnt just a relax n chill out meeting like we used to have before.
so i prepared for the worse..
but i also keep a tiny little space for some tiny little good news..with tiny little hope saying that "hey..what if it's an A?" (i was dreamer anyway)

so i went downstairs..with my knees quite trembling.
i know that i've messed things up during the test day..but still, this little girl is still hoping that a miracle would happen.
hoping that maybe fairygod mother would comes n sprinkles some those magical dust to my result paper or whatever it was..i still hope that i wont messed up too much.

and there was my mentor...sitting on the chair with a bun in her oven..looking so serious.
giving advice to my colleague...who was looking  serious too.
and i can tell from it..this isnt going to be a happy meeting.
and it was..indeed a gloomy session.

and then she called upon my name..
and simply announced my result in front of my colleagues.
as if they're not listening.
as if i have no feelings.
as if it didnt broke my heart.
as if it's ok to tell the whole wide world that this girl failed to get an A.

and i tried to calm myself down.
and i hate myself.
and i hate that i didnt study harder.
i hate that i've been good to myself.
i hate not seeing A in my result.
i hate.

but what had happened was already happened.
mistakes has been made.
i didnt quite like it..though i know i've to be grateful that i wasnt one of the people who failed the test.
but like i said before, i still hate it.
not blaming anyone else but me.

but think on the bright sight.
it's a good thing though.
maybe God is trying to say to me that
 "hey girl...i wont give u an A this time so that u'll work harder the next time"
or maybe..."girl..u cant always win. life is like a wheel. one day u're up..next day u're not. and maybe..today isnt your day."

i would lied if i said that i didnt get jealous of those 10 people who manage to get A in the test.
though the number is quite small..i bet their sits are comfortable right now.

i should move on anyway.
it is what it is..

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