✿ a cup of love

en route to graduation #1

i guess i'll be frequently updating my life about this en route to graduation and life as a final year medical student.

it wont be a long post i promised...

just something to keep for and to read for in the future..

so today...is the third day of life.

still breathing...

still surviving..

still a bit regretting of how pemalas i am and banyaaaak sgt things that i dont know.

cried a little just now when i called my mother..

so today i went to the hospital..

clerk a case or two..

did physical examination on the patient who complained of painless breast lump over a year..

in a desperation neeeed of polishing my examination skills etc etc..

i even help the boys to get the consent of doing the same examination

it's nothing much pon really...

tapi when they came up to me saying of how terharu they were with my action..i was like "awww it's nothing much pon u guys.."

i mean..yeah u need to help people, A LOT! coz the feeling of being appreciated with what u've done is like...like a intravenous injection of endorphin which driving u euphoric if that makes sense at all..

lps tu in the afternoon we have this seminar on upper gastrointestinal malignancy of which i found myself feeling inferior to my colleagues presenting the topics..

i mean..they are all so bijak i tell you, i feel as if i'm just a speckle of dust ~ ~ ~

lps tu i went home and cooked pasta coz i'm just supperrr lazy to drive and buy food outside..besides, tak sedap sgt pon the outside food.

i think...i think lahh, cook by urself lagi appropriate, pocket friendly, healthier, and not to forget *cough* more sedaaap bahahaha...

so..apart from that, i wanna make tonight be worth it

i igt i wanna study and revised and recall and whatever u call it really...as long as the knowledge is transferred from the books straight to my amygdala get it?

dah byk mlm dah plan to study hardcore mcm ni

we shall see if it really happens tonight..

so i guess thats all i wanna bebel for today

dear self, i love u and i care for u.

❤ "en route to graduation #1" was Posted On: Wednesday, September 7, 2016 @5:26 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

road to graduation

dear self..
and dear final year..
this is something i want u to remember

tak mintak banyak pun
cuma

study rajin2...u dont have much time left. 10 months tu kejaaaap je. especially when u're gonna be busy with all the crazy schedule, busy crying, busy sleeping and busy regretting as to why u chose medicine at the first place. but u shouldnt be regret...it's too late really. u're almost at the finishing line...and i can already see the medal. keep going...keep running
solat jangaaaan tinggal. kalau blh solat awal2 waktu...tak elok u let Him wait for you berjam jam pastu baru nk solat especially u're asking for his biggggg help for this final year kan. it's not gonna be easy lets admit it...but it's not impossible too. let's change for a better self.
doa banyak banyak banyak banyak. do i neeeeed to stress it more? usaha tetap usaha tapi kalau Allah xredha...whats the point of burning the midnight oil...sacrificing your youth when u can choose to go out with friends...try something crazy, something a normal 23 year old lady would do.
always pesan to maaaa and abah to pray for my success. tak pesan pon dah tahu actually, that they always pray for me. tapi nak pesan jugak...coz i'm so gedik liddat.
jaga hati. jaga iman. dont fall inlove too easily. lower down your gaze. i know it's difficult tapi thats the thing about it. i know it's gonna be hard tp kita cuba slowly alright?

so dear self...

please remember this.

i'm not asking for many things.

ni pun dah ckup dah for the time being.

xoxo

yourself

❤ "road to graduation" was Posted On: Tuesday, September 6, 2016 @9:59 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

been a while

it's been a while since i last wrote a post in this blog

life has been quite a challenging ride these past few months.

i encountered my 4th year final exams of medical school with some bits of knowledge and practices and lots lots lots of prayers and hoping for miracles. i was totally unprepared...
then i spend few days with my friends acknowledging the beauty of nature...had some hikes..and some jog, capturing some beautiful pictures and had my favourite sneakers gone into the dustbin after the hike..errmm so yeah
i passed all of my exams - surgery, orthopeadics and family medicine. Alhamdulillah...luck must be by my side at that moment.
and currently or specifically this monday shall i enter the college as a final year medical student of which it felt a little in the middle of being happy and proud and blessed and estatic for this achievement but at the same time still questioning my knowledge and the skills that i owned, sad that it also means i dont have much time left with my girlfriends, angry for being unprepared all the time and frustrated with myself the fact that i cant always make my parents proud of me.
next year shall i face the professional exams which qualifies me to get my MBBS..and it aint a joke anymore.

despite all of that..i still choose to be happy and content and blessed with all the memories i had this year with my colleagues.

i dont have much ideas left...hence i'll just let the pictures do the talk..

❤ "been a while" was Posted On: Sunday, September 4, 2016 @1:03 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

i dont like the fact that i dont care anymore
i dont like it that i'm lazy and wasting time
lets be better.

❤ "" was Posted On: Wednesday, July 27, 2016 @1:39 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

you..
are a poison to my heart,
but at the same time,
being a beautiful poison that lighten up my soul.
you destroyed my wall
you bend my ego
but i tried my very best to put it back together

you
came into my mind and my life
reluctant to leave and say goodbye
u increase the blood flow inside my brain
u increase the endorphine and the adrenaline
and i'm feeling euphoric.
but at the same time being mad
at myself
God, i shouldnt be feeling this way
coz this just feel so wrong.

and you
distract me from what i'm supposed to do
forcing me to keep my eyes on you
but at the same time trying my very best not to tell u
and give u false hope
when deep down, there's a fireworks inside me.

as much as i hated it this way
i cant help but feeling secured when u're around
and how u make me feel as if i'm guarded
even if u're not trying to
deep down i feel safe to call you home

but you
please know that i dont like it this way
please know that my heart is ill as of now
please stay away from me i just want to forget about you
please come back one day when i'm all set for you

and as for now
i'll try my very best to hide from you
to ignore you
and my feelings too
to let go of you and pray for you
even if we're not meant to
coz thats all i'm afford to do

so you
take a good care of yourself
and i'm sorry if i have ever hurt you
please know that i didnt meant to

❤ "" was Posted On: Wednesday, July 20, 2016 @1:32 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

thousands of apologies

there i was.

walking towards u.

i noticed a vacancy next to u.

but i deviate myself away from it.

trying not to look.

trying to show that i dont care.

trying...my.very.best.

but deep down, i was crying out loud.

i'm sorry..

i did this all the time.

my walls..i just couldnt break them off

i tried to

but they get even stronger.

i'm scared.

of you.

and me.

and the idea of "us"

hence i became the monster

if only u know the war inside me.

i'm sorry..

i did this all the time.

my heart, i dont know if it's ready yet.

and i dont know, if u're what i pictured before.

i'm sorry.

for the way i treated you.

i'm sorry i tend to hurt the people around me.

i'm sorry

i need to get to know myself even more.

i need to love myself even more.

i need space...even more.

and u..

why are u here and trying to a chaos to my mind..

but honestly

if i could just say few words to you

is that i truly am sorry

if i ever cause u any harm or any pain.

and i shall pray for you...for a better life and a better happiness

❤ "thousands of apologies" was Posted On: Sunday, July 17, 2016 @3:42 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

because why not

dear maaa,
i love you and i'm sorry i never have the guts to tell you that i do
i'm sorry sometimes i'm immature and cries like a 5 year old me.
i'm sorry sometimes i dont fulfill your dreams and
the fact that i always remind you that i'm 23 instead of 5 whenever you said no if i asked you something
i'm sorry i have less time with you now and i'm sorry
sometimes i made you miss me so badly, but i feel the same way too

but maa,
believe me.
never have i love a human being as much as i love you
you're so beautiful inside and out, i cant stop thanking Allah for making you as my mom
your love is so sincere and so pure i bet your heart smells so good like roses, white roses - your favourites.
and can we just talk about how crazy you are with flowers? hahahaha..

u're weird and funny and kind and always be there for me
u listen attentively to all my words and my stupid jokes
u talk a lot and u nag a lot, too
but i love it.
your advices are the best in the world

u believed in me more than i believed in myself
i dont think i would survive until this very moment if it werent for your semangat
u care for me like i'm still a 5 year old girl which, to tell u the truth, drives me crazy sometimes but i spend time laughing at you and your funny attitude.

dear maaa..
in a simple words, i really really really adore and loves you.
i hope my actions towards u speaks the love i had for u
dont stop loving me and dont stop praying for me.
i love you and may God blessed our family.

❤ "because why not" was Posted On: Sunday, May 8, 2016 @1:10 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

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