why doour skin is tan instead of purple?
why does the sky is blue and not pink?
why does the water is colourless and not colorful?

why do we massage our skin to relieve the pain?
why does the brain is located in the head and not in our foot?
why do we sleep at night?

why ..
because i'm not a cat..
and i wont die of curiosity.

i was having an ECE class this evening when one message was being delivered to me saying that we're going to have a mentor mentee meeting right at that moment.
then there was like a blood rush to my brain.
i knew what's it gonna be about and i know this isnt just a relax n chill out meeting like we used to have before.
so i prepared for the worse..
but i also keep a tiny little space for some tiny little good news..with tiny little hope saying that "hey..what if it's an A?" (i was dreamer anyway)

so i went downstairs..with my knees quite trembling.
i know that i've messed things up during the test day..but still, this little girl is still hoping that a miracle would happen.
hoping that maybe fairygod mother would comes n sprinkles some those magical dust to my result paper or whatever it was..i still hope that i wont messed up too much.

and there was my mentor...sitting on the chair with a bun in her oven..looking so serious.
giving advice to my colleague...who was looking  serious too.
and i can tell from it..this isnt going to be a happy meeting.
and it was..indeed a gloomy session.

and then she called upon my name..
and simply announced my result in front of my colleagues.
as if they're not listening.
as if i have no feelings.
as if it didnt broke my heart.
as if it's ok to tell the whole wide world that this girl failed to get an A.

and i tried to calm myself down.
and i hate myself.
and i hate that i didnt study harder.
i hate that i've been good to myself.
i hate not seeing A in my result.
i hate.

but what had happened was already happened.
mistakes has been made.
i didnt quite like it..though i know i've to be grateful that i wasnt one of the people who failed the test.
but like i said before, i still hate it.
not blaming anyone else but me.

but think on the bright sight.
it's a good thing though.
maybe God is trying to say to me that
 "hey girl...i wont give u an A this time so that u'll work harder the next time"
or maybe..."girl..u cant always win. life is like a wheel. one day u're up..next day u're not. and maybe..today isnt your day."

i would lied if i said that i didnt get jealous of those 10 people who manage to get A in the test.
though the number is quite small..i bet their sits are comfortable right now.

i should move on anyway.
it is what it is..

i stalk my own fb page.

dear God.

i love babies.
i love babies.
i love them.

but why is it that embryology isnt being nice to me?
why are they so complicated?
why am i struggling so hard to understand it?
why and why and why?

embryology is one of those things that, when i wake up in the morning..i say to myself " i'm going to finish studying babies today."
and fail. but again, end up my conversation that night with " the hell am i doing today? i'm going to finish embryology tomorrow!!"
and for tomorrow...it didnt really happen.
and i have to keep lying to myself.
over n over again.

dear mums...please love your babies.
manyak susah mau hafal everything about babies.

babies...please be nice to me.

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