Dear u..
I thought u were real
I thought u're the one
I feel it
I think about it hundreds of times
And the answer is still the same
It havent changed
Thus..i too, didnt changed.

My thoughts..my instincts..they told me it was u, all the time.
So i was strong for a while
And never did i knew i could be this wrong

But things were not as i thought it is
And i didnt blamed u for it
And i didnt blamed myself either

I know i'm powerless
And u too..but its fine
Somehow i feel okay..i feel fine
Theres nothing i can change
I'm a big girl now
I have big responsibilities
I'll be fine
Maybe not today..but one day i will inshaAllah

Nevertheless..
I wish for happiness to u and what u chose
I wish u never regret it
And i'm sorry for whatever i do

After all i'm only a human
The imperfect one
And now..
U're my history
But never did i regret of knowing u
Once again..i wish u're happy with your choice
Dont make it wrong this time around.

Hi there
Its 4 in the morning.
Here i am..wide awake.
Thanks to the coffee i had earlier.

This room of mine is already in silence
My lil sister is fast asleep..
My cat will be waking up in 1 and 1/2 hours from now..ready for her breakfast
Yet here i am...
Enjoying the silence at 4am...
Crazy..but i love it.
Life is beautiful *no im not drunk*

My break will be ending soon
And i cant stop thinking bout it
God...never did i was prepared for it
But i cant run from reality

Pinch me..slap me hard
It wont change a thing
But its alright
Imma big tough rough guy..i can handle this.
What a crap!

Alright..time to sleep now
Got lotsa stuff to be done tomorrow
Nighty night...

I hate being sad.
In fact i hate the word sad itself.
It's like...why on earth do u have to be sad  when u can choose tremendous other feelings...why oh why

But naahh..u know
As a human..we do feel sad bout certain things from time to time
We feel sad bout others...bout ourselves and bout...nothing!

And today after  a hectic life in the morning...i get mad at myself for feeling sad without a known reason...
Damn hormones...i know
I tried calling my maaa...failed*maybe shes busy or smting*
Called my elder sister...failed
Called my younger sister...also failed
Messaged my younger brother....replied ( but how on earth can a 14 year old boy comforts you? They dont understand hormones...plus they dont even reached their puberty yet for God's sake! Ughhhh)

An hour later....my elder sister called back, and my maaaa...she's fast asleep already oh thats so predictable
And by just talking to my elder sister....i feel that i gathered myself again
It s like...i'm myself again...
Damn i love her
And everyone wjo makes me happy...
Point is....love yourself...and the people who loves u
And the people who makes u love yourself


Ok back to books...

Syamimi..
Sblm cuti sem break dia dah plan awal lagi
Blk rumah nnti kena study efficiently
Sebab rindu nk study kt rumah lagi
Pastu kat rumah nnti kena jogging hari hari
Jalan2 pusing rumah pn jadi
And makan...nak yg healthy healthy
Dengan hrpn nk smbung diet kat rumah nnti

But sbb dia Syamimi
Sejak blk rumah sampailaaa nk habis cuti
Buku buku dlm beg xpernah sentuh lagi
Jogging pn xpernah sesekali
Makan? Hah..xyah cite lagi
Semua benda makan smpai penuh pipi

Aaaaa...stwessnya jadi Syamimi
Sebab angan angan dia sgt dreamy
And esok kena blk Sg Buloh lagi
Satu benda pn xmenjadi cuti ni

Aaaah lantak ah..esok aku ponteng kelas pagi.
Eh tapi final exam dah tak lama lagi..
Takpe nanti study mati2...janji!
Herghhwiwiwiwi bila nk abis ni?


Tido ahh penat duk mngarut like crazy..
Esok flight pagi2
#ehhhstoplah

I miss writing...blogging...talking nonsense..talking to myself...talking to my stuffs
It used to make me happy...
It used to make me be...ME!
I miss everything...
coz lately i dont know what i am anymore.
Does it sounds weird?
Is it supposed to be weird?
I mean...dude, WHAT am i?

Ahh forget it.
Maybe i'm just too tired
Maybe i've been fooling around too much lately
Maybe...maybe i should be me again
The old me...
Damn it..

The battle is about to begin..really really soon
But i dont know if im ready for it..
I mean..look at me
Huuhh..

God..
I miss my parents like craaaaaazy...u get it?!
Craaaaaaaazily miss them...even breathing feels hurt.
One more week...
One more..i know u can do this!!

u ll be safe n sound around them...in one week's time
Trust me...it s gonna worth the pain
Now go do your work...
Make them proud of u..
Make this love worth the pain.

Xoxo..

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