u know u're a crap when
1. u went to the mall and 1st thing that u grabbed was a box of canned coffee.
2. your sleep cycle was like a hurricane
3. you want to go out to buy some meals..but u dont want. but ur hungry..but ur saving times. and u feel like slapping yoursef.
4. u had lots of stuff to memorize yet here u are..updating your blog of which..no one even cares okaayy..
5. u just dont care anymore. but what if kena repeat the whole year?

so thats a crappy life i've to deal with in order for me to have my one week of break next week.
and before that..may the force be with me..and semoga syamimi passed my final exam with a decent result. ameen!

dear self..
sometimes...
u just need to set a barrier on how much u should help a person.
dont help her too much..but dont leave her helpless too..
just dont be too kind..and neither a mean person
coz at the end of the day, when u helped a lil too much, she tend to forget your good deeds
coz thats how human are, well at least some of them..

so just bear in mind this thing..
so u wont get hurt again next time okayyy..
okay.

dear self,
being posted in emergency dept for 2 weeks now..u've learnt quite a few new things.
so here are the things i need u to remember ..

1. always calm yourself.
remember the pedestrian patient who alleged an accident, presented with multiple skull fractures with huge and warm hematoma and his blood stained your gloves and gown? and how u became so panicked and u just wanna cry watching all the blood, and the abrasions over his thoracic region, his stoma filled with God knows what content and above all, he was unconcious. yes...please handle your emotions. u need to be calm. u need to control your emotions. this patient needs your help and u just gotta give your all...and pray, a lot!

2. dont judge
An indian male with ruptured tendon over his left wrist with 4 parallel lacerations at the same area that u initially thought he must've been some kind of a gangster involved in a fight just because, u know..Sg Buloh is known for the 08 gangster. yeah still remember that case? then it turned out that he was actually bitten by a phyton while taking care of his cow back in his village in the rural area of selangor. and u felt so guilty for judging him without even know his history. dont do that again...just dont. u'll end up blaming urself..

3. give your all
the chinese elderly presented with sudden cardiac arrest requiring u to be involved in the CPR procedure in which u had to apply the skills..lock your shoulders..compressed his chest over and over and over and craccckk..the sound of fractured ribs. but u continued anyway..with a hope of saving him and get the pulse again. dash the fractured ribs...dash the awkward pose while perfrming the cpr. it was a real adrenaline rush i must say...unfortunately, the patient died in the end. but at least, u know u gave your all that night. *pat on my shoulder*

4. it's okay to let go
a 56 year old morbidly obese male with acute pulmonary edema secondary to ACS  who had sudden cardiac arrest, was put on lucas cpr..refractory to medications and was pulseless for quite some time. it was definitely not a great experience to witnessed the tragedy. his mother (or wife) came in, crying over n over again..damn it broke my heart as hell, my eyes burned and tears conquered the room. even the doctors were crying, it was soooo devastating. but on the bright side, i think it's okay to let him gone for good, at least he didnt suffer from the pain anymore. theres nothing i can help but to pray that he be placed among the best servants in His heaven, amin.


well actually theres few more i can write about. maybe i'll continue later coz as for now..i need to prepare for the exam.
goodluck dear self..

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